#fully aware of the problems with the source material and that some of those problems carry through to avpm

[lopez-richter-fangirl]

Lol just saw someone say Darren’s concert was a hard pass because of the likelihood of having to sit through AVPM songs when shouldn’t be revisiting it in 2023, more tickets for the rest of us

[goddessxeffect]

ALL THAT REMAINS

Let this, at least, serve as yet another reminder.

First off, I want to talk about Identification. Are you tired of it yet? Well, buh-hu, some of you still don't get it so it won't hurt you to read it and be reminded of your true Self over and over again.

Apart from detaching from ego, keep in mind to ask yourself over the day who you refer to when you say or think "I" or "me". I'm so very sure that a lot of you guys still attach your Ego to this sense of Self. Wake up, remind yourself and snap out of it. You are so much more than it. You are limitless, formless, infinite Awareness ONLY observing being a human experiencing A LIFE, yes, just ONE possibility out of infinte possibilities. All of them already belong to you, as you are their source. You are Life itself and so you give those possibilities 'reality'.

Just because the Ego feels its life to be THE reality doesn't make that true. Once again, Ego is conditioned to feel or perceive that way, it is just a form of consciousness and that makes it limited and not able to fully perceive the truth: everything is consciousness, everything belongs to you.

That's ok, let Ego be, it's really not the problem nor has to get fixed (convinced, changed, etc.). In its own unique way Ego is perfectly formed Consciousness. After all, you could at any time choose a "better" version or an entirely new one. You are beyond its mind. Don't try to make or force Ego to understand that. Detach. Your only problem is that you love it too much, a little like a child is loved by its parent. You were there with it all its life. In every second. It's yours, your creation.

But just like a parent there comes a time where you have to let go, realize your true Self again (without the child). You were playing a role and your extreme attachment to this character is the only reason why you "feel" desires, lack and negative feelings. Those things belong to that characters world, not you. They rub off on you because you identify as that. You tried to fit your entire being in this tiny form but it's still limited and that's when you get miserable - you hit the limit, the border of the form so to speak.

But here comes the fun part. You are not that, remember? You are always just your absolute Self (Awareness). Not formed, not named, not conditioned. You know what that means? Materialization is not about the "physical" and not separate from Knowing. I already talked about how if you know (are aware of) something you "see" it? Well, I've come to realize that this was still pretty much about the "physical". If you know what you want/resonate with, it's actually materialized. You often experience a thought, may it be a visual, auditory or even sensory. But even the knowing is enough. If you know what you want you must've had become aware of it beforehand. That's the moment it exists/ formed.

All that remains is knowledge of who you really are

[starberry-cupcake]

A lot of things happened between me making the Strange World poll and me looking at the results, then I sat on my hot take about it for a while, after which I ended up thinking about how it reflects Disney as a whole right now and how that impacts media and culture, and now here we are.

Basically what I got from it was 1) that a huge portion of the people who voted didn't know the movie existed, even if it's been available online (legally or otherwise) for a year now, 2) that the biggest amount of negative votes are from people who didn't see the movie (either because it's a Disney movie or because they heard it was bad) and 3) that a vast minority of the negative votes are from people who actually watched it and didn't like it.

So, most of the problems people had with it were not "movie problems" but "Disney problems".

I made the poll because I read that Bob Iger (aka the person people should have been dissing all these years instead of Eisner, who hasn't been in Disney for almost 20 years now) had said that the problem currently going on with Disney movies is that they're more focused on having a message than on being entertaining.

Strange World was, to me, the best example to test this, because it's a movie that packs a hell of a lot of important things for Disney to portray in a story, does it pretty well in my humble irrelevant opinion, and it did incredibly poorly in the box office (it apparently picked up in streaming, but it's still considered a "major flop").

Box office, even if still the way studios measure success, isn't really a valuable measurement of it anymore. After 2020 nobody goes to the theater as much as they used to, worldwide. People who pay for Disney+ always prefer to wait for the movies being added there and people who don't can find HD quality options elsewhere once it does.

Still, the general media perception is that the movie is "bad", regardless of numbers.

However, other animated films that came out at a similar time, which also tackled some important themes and representation, have been praised for those things by the same audiences that didn't acknowledge Strange World.

Why would the same people wax poetic about something like Nimona, for example, and hate Stange World with a passion? I mean, they're not comparable in plot or the fact that Nimona was an adaptation of a previously released source material, but why would something with the "message" Iger is talking about (mainly representation, especially queer representation, and a core essence about something socially or culturally impactful) be universally despised and another thing with it be universally loved?

My poll isn't representative of a huge portion of the viewership but it's telling me that the problem wasn't fully on the film itself but on Disney.

On 1) their lack of support for the film (and it's message, considering things happened without Disney acknowledging them, like teachers who showed it to students receiving professional consequences) and 2) of the image they currently have as a company because of all they've done.

I'm not the first to observe that Disney ended in a place between conservatives wanting it to be a patriotic beacon of oppressive values and reasonable audiences wanting it to be more aware of its impact and responsibility in representing stories (as well as the dangers of it, as a company, monopolizing media and treating employees with disrespect, something Abigail Disney, who doesn't have a place in the table, has called out many times and attempted to help with).

Caught in the middle of this are people trying to tell stories, some of them with more impactful messages than they get credit for, because they're reduced to be seen as cog wheels of the mouse. People who were trying to change things from within, even with the pressure put on them from outside, not only because of the company leadership wanting to be on the good side of every type of audience possible to get more money, but also because of the god awful production decisions they're forced to undertake upon this leadership's view, also to make more money (to make characters that can be marketable, to consider that they have to make dolls, munchlings, pins, costumes and ears of this character, to release the films at crazy dates, etc.).

Also caught in the middle of this is Jennifer Lee, who is the first female director of Walt Disney Animation Studios feature film and was chosen after Iger very reluctantly let go of known abuser John Lasseter who was immediately later employed by Skydance because being a known abuser is less bad for animation studios than making movies that flop. But we already knew that, in the past few years we've known of accusations against Aaron Ehasz (ATLA, Dragon Prince), Bibo Bergeron (Road to El Dorado, A Monster in Paris), Skyler Page (Clarence) and Patrick Mchale (OTGW), to name the first that come to mind (who people still wax poetic about and who are still releasing projects).

It took ages for Disney to actually fire Lasseter, even with everything going on against him, and having Lee stepping up was a welcomed surprise that very clearly has impacted the content and type of movies Disney has been making. Still, Lee herself has shown how insane the rhythm of work has been for them at Disney because of the deadlines and decisions pushed by the management, very clearly evidenced in the documentary they did about the making of Frozen II, which she co-wrote and co-directed, while being director of Disney Animation.

It would not surprise me in the least if Lee is blamed for this "chain of flops", since her addition has brought more of these so-called "messages" to the movies.

When I read Iger say his statement, I wasn't surprised, he has always been this way. His way of treating Disney has been to purchase IPs in order to use them to get box office numbers faster. To not care about the quality of a film but that it's part of a pre-made something that makes people want to see it in theaters or stream it day 1, not caring if it's good. Star Wars, Marvel, the live actions, the god awful sequels nobody asked for, even the ride overlays at the parks with 0 new narratives, it's all part of this plan.

It's easier to get people in theaters day one to watch the live action Little Mermaid people have been arguing about online for years than a new movie about a family in steampunk clothes that nobody knows about.

He doesn't care about the essence of a story or about what people like about it, it's about trying to get the attention of the most amount of people possible, especially people who wouldn't otherwise see this film or pay for this hotel or buy this merch (this is why the Galactic Starcruiser failed imo).

But, considering movies like Strange World did flop and people do regard them as bad, I had to ask. To see if, indeed, people just don't care anymore.

Iger says entertainment is the essence of Disney and I don't think it ever was.

A lot of the movies Walt Disney oversaw during his lifetime were considered flops (Pinocchio, Fantasia, Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, the package films...they don't remind you that very often) and he kept making them. He famously gave up his own money and belongings for uncertain projects and went bankrupt several times because of that. He ruined his Ford sponsorship because his team developed a non gasoline sustained transportation medium that Ford feared would compete with the automobile. If his aim had been purely entertainment with no other incentive, I don't think these things would have happened.

I think the essence used to be creativity, to be completely honest.

Disney is missing creativity, but not because it lacks creative talent in its ranks. It's because those creatives are stifled (and overworked and undervalued) by a leadership that is money hungry and has turned the studio into a company that eats what's in front of it like pacman.

The sad part is that when people look at the movies in which these creatives try to break free and have them mean something, what people see is the greedy face of the leadership and throw away the whole suitcase.

In tow, leadership uses that as evidence that these movies, the ones that mean something, are the issue and what doesn't work for Disney. They use people's dismissal of the movies because of the company as proof that the movies are to blame for it all.

So, basically, Strange World flops and we get announced Toy Story 5, Frozen 3 and Zootopia 2 while also laying off 7000 employees at the same time.

Whatever people might individually think about Disney (as a studio, as a company, etc.), they have been making media for 100+ years. Every generation alive today has existed while something by Disney was playing in a theater somewhere. Fairy tales and folk stories that used to be told orally or read to kids have coexisted with the Disney stories (originals or versions of the prior) for a century.

When people think of Snow White, chances are they believe the Grimm story ends with a kiss because the Disney movie has it. When people think of Cinderella, chances are they think she had mice helping her with chores because the Disney movie has it. When people are asked who is the antagonist in Sleeping Beauty, chances are they say 'Maleficent'.

A lot of people hate that, children's lit academics hate that with a passion, comments upon comments in youtube video essays blame Disney for changing things in their movies, for making stories less gruesome and yet not progressive enough, not historically accurate and yet not designed creatively enough, etc.

But the fact remains that they have been building storytelling we grow up with for 100+ years. And, to me personally, that means it's worth looking into and criticizing in depth, however extra it might seem (or maybe it's my line of work that's driving me to it).

The consequence of this century-long presence in storytelling, that is both inspired by folklore and provided to childhood in forming years, is that its evolution (in narrative, in depictions, in representation, in subject matters) not only is influenced by the vision of a society at a given time, it also influences society itself in tow.

You can study the evolution of anything in Disney movies (like princesses or villains or cultural settings) and see how changes represent a view of something at a certain point in time, as much as you can do with versions of fairy tales both oral and written.

At the same time, you can draw parallels on how the things that are not depicted, represented or done so in a problematic way can influence the perception of identity of a person since their formative years.

In this sense, like it or not, Disney has become a cornerstone of both media depiction of cultural storytelling and a formative narrative tool for people in their childhood. And that's a major responsibility to throw out the window by reducing its importance as "entertainment" alone.

Still, when a movie like Strange World tries and fails, and leadership uses it as an excuse to blame for any of their wrongdoings, it's hard to move forward and create steps ahead for cultural and social representation in what has become such an integral piece of narrative influence.

[cosmichighpriestess]

Dear readers, welcome to our message which is intended to teach and empower.

You are not on earth by accident but rather are of the many brave and awakened souls who volunteered to assist earth in her ascension process toward alignment with her true spiritual expression. You knew that in order to do this you would have to enter into three dimensional density, live and work from a dense material body, and be subject to the creations of a collective consciousness based in duality and separation.  

Negative three dimensional experiences for the spiritually evolved are not usually as random as they are for those who are not and live fully from a three dimensional state of consciousness unless the experiences are chosen as learning experiences. This is because an evolved consciousness does not hold as many false beliefs to manifest. However, at this time the high resonating energies flowing to earth as part of her ascension process are exposing and activating remaining low resonating energy for all individuals.  

You may have noticed that life has become a bit more chaotic and out of sync recently--things breaking down, plans going astray, appliances no longer working, internet going down, problems with this or that etc. Your once smoothly running routine seems to no longer be running smoothly.  

The increasing presence of intense light energies are forcing all that resonates on lower levels to surface and manifest as part of the clearing process. No one can revert from their attained state of consciousness so do not think that somehow you have spiritually regressed if things seem to be more chaotic.  

Most people are not even aware that the energy of many simple beliefs held in consciousness can manifest because in the past lower resonating energies they usually did not. Ordinary sayings like; "If it isn't one thing it is another. ,When it rains it pours. This always happens to me. ". 

These common and seemingly harmless sayings about life are impersonal but have been accepted into the belief system of many. Because the energy on earth is increasingly becoming more refined and because there is no unexpressed consciousness, even these simply common sayings will manifest just as major beliefs do. Do not fear this or give them power if you find yourself automatically thinking them now and then but rather use the experience to be more aware, remembering that consciousness is the substance of form. 

Many spend their whole life seeking happiness from where it does not exist and will never be found--in concepts of happiness as being something that must be attained in the outer world. Because this world is the only world they know, they search for happiness in all the ways it tells them are necessary for fulfillment even if or when some of these ways do not reflect their heart and intuition.  

These people live exhausting lives in a race to find and attain the right partner, school, physical appearance, employment, fame, house, friends, lots of stuff, and money in the belief that once attained these things will bring them the happiness. More often than not even when these things have been attained, the the deep inner longing that every soul has to reunite with Source remains and will remain as their search continues during which they may blame people, circumstances and even God for their unhappiness.

Most suicides result from concepts of happiness not materializing or from the guilt of decisions made and actions taken. Because they do not know who they really are, these dear ones judge themselves by material standards believing that they are unworthy failures. In reality, the very experiences that have brought them to that point are very often the experiences they themselves put into their pre-birth contract in order to evolve to new levels of awareness. However, because death is really an illusion they will come back to earth wiser and more evolved, prepared to take the on any challenges .

True and lasting happiness is a state of consciousness. It does not come and go like the many beliefs about happiness that are just accepted concepts. True and lasting happiness is everyone's birthright by virtue of their being Divine Consciousness individualized but as long as a person believes themselves to be separate from God and all that God is they block the flow of the self sustaining, self maintaining fulfillment aspect of their true SELF. You are not a little part of God you are the fullness, but most have not known or even been interesting in knowing this because the hypnotism of the material world seems so real.

True creativity (not something copied from someone else or what is already known) is a quality of Divine Consciousness that flows and expands in each successive lifetime. There is no such thing as a child prodigy, only individuals who over lifetimes have attained a high level of expertise in some particular area (music, math, art, medicine/healing etc.) and are simply being their state of consciousness in this life. 

The spiritual journey can be very difficult in the beginning because upon awakening to deeper truths most think that this new awareness will bring them everything they have always sought and it will, but not until it becomes their attained state of consciousness. In a burst of spiritual enthusiasm many will say; "Show me the way, I am ready." but when all the "stuff" they need to look at, let go of, and move beyond is shown them, they often panic and begin to have second thoughts. 

The real spiritual journey can only begin when there is a willingness to let go of all previous religious concepts about God, man, and spirituality. Only a consciousness empty and no longer cluttered with beliefs of duality, separation, and two powers is able to accept, nurture, and grow into real truth. This is often a time of struggle for the awakening seeker because many of their beliefs, particularly religious ones are deeply rooted in their consciousness.  

It is important to live from your highest sense of truth at all times because much that has always been familiar is moving out of alignment with the energies now coming in. This is why some who realize ( on a deeper level) that they are not able to attain the levels of energy necessary for alignment with the new energy are choosing to leave and then when ready come back prepared for the higher resonating energies of the new earth.  

True happiness is not about having, getting, or appearing to be something the three dimensional world values. Happiness is the automatic result and experience of the already fully present completeness that exists in and as every person.  

We are the Arcturian Group.

[thetempleofreading]

Hazardous Ozone-Generating Air Purifiers | California Air Resources Board

What are the adverse health effects from exposure to ozone?

People who buy ozone generators may not be aware that ozone can harm the cells in the lungs and respiratory airways. Exposure to ozone irritates and inflames the lining of the respiratory system. This causes symptoms including coughing, chest tightness, shortness of breath, and impaired breathing. Ozone can worsen asthma symptoms, and may contribute to the development of asthma. Elevated exposures to ozone can cause permanent lung damage, and repeated exposure can even increase the risk of dying among persons already in poor health. Persons especially vulnerable to health problems from breathing ozone include children and those who already suffer from asthma or other respiratory diseases, including the elderly. There are many experimental studies on animals, including dogs, cats, hamsters and guinea pigs, that show respiratory effects from exposure to ozone. Birds are especially sensitive to the effects of air pollutants, including ozone.

Why are ozone generators still on the market?

The unfortunate answer is that misleading advertising by manufacturers is very effective, and no government agency has the authority to fully regulate these devices. Thus, CARB is actively working to educate professionals and the public about the dangers of using ozone generators.

What does CARB recommend?

CARB strongly advises against the use of ozone generators in spaces occupied by people or animals. Other governmental agencies agree with this advice. CARB provides a list of potentially hazardous ozone generators sold as "air purifiers", which is periodically updated. If an ozone generator is not on this list, it does not mean that it is safe for use.

Prior to purchasing an air cleaner, consumers are encouraged to eliminate or reduce indoor pollution sources and to ventilate areas with outdoor air. The most effective method of controlling indoor air pollution is through prevention: eliminating pollution at its source. To minimize the release of pollutants indoors:

carefully follow directions on consumer products, such as cleaning agents, paints, and glues

properly maintain and operate gas- and wood-burning appliances

restrict smoking to outdoor areas

Use plenty of ventilation: be sure there is adequate airflow to/from the outdoors. This can be achieved by opening windows, using exhaust fans near pollutant sources (e.g. above stoves while cooking), and increasing airflow through the use of mechanical ventilation systems. If your home is equipped with a central forced air system, you should also consider upgrading the filter to at least MERV 13.

purchase building materials and wood furniture that do not emit formaldehyde

use candles and incense sparingly, if at all

clean frequently and thoroughly to prevent dust and mold build-up.

[luckgods]

Why all the white guys in whump?

I got Inspired by a post asking that question, and here we are. Warning: long post ahead.

I think it’s due to a combination of factors, as things frequently are.

The preference for / prevalence of white male characters in fandom is well-known and has been examined pretty thoroughly by people already.

What’s worth noting for discussing this tendency in whump in particular is that the ‘whump fandom’ itself is not a ‘fandom’ in the traditional sense of being made of fans of one single source narrative (or source setting, like a particular comics fandom, or the Star Wars extended universe) with pre-existing characters. Although subsets of traditional fandoms certainly exist within the larger whump fandom, a lot of whump is based on original, ‘fan’-created characters.

So, given the tendency of ‘traditional’ fandoms to create stories disproportionately centered on white male characters due to the source material itself being centered on white male characters (and giving more narrative weight to them, characterizing them better, etc), if we say hypothetically that the whump fandom is split say 50/50 between ‘traditional’ fandom works and original whump works, you’d expect to see a higher number of works focused on white men than the demographics of the ‘traditional’ fandom’s source work would predict, but not as extreme of a divergence between the source material & the fanworks as the one you’d see if whump fandom were 100% based on popular media.

However, that doesn’t quite seem to be the case. Whump stories and art remain focused on overwhelmingly male and frequently white characters, which means that the tendency of the fandom to create stories disproportionately centered on white male characters cannot be ONLY explained by the source material itself being centered on white male characters (and giving more narrative weight to them, characterizing them better, etc).

And, having established the fact that whump writers & artists presumably have MORE control over the design of their characters than writers & artists in ‘traditional’ fandoms, we have to wonder why the proportions remain biased towards men, & white men in particular.

—

The race thing is pretty simple in my opinion. Mostly, it’s just another extension of the fanbase’s tendency to reflect the (predominantly US-American, on tumblr) culture it exists in, which means that, in a white-centric culture, people make artworks featuring white people.

There’s also the issue of artists being hesitant to write works that dwell heavily on violence towards people of color due to the (US-American) history of people of color being violently mistreated. I’ve actually seen a couple of posts arguing that white people SHOULDN’T write whump of nonwhite characters (particularly Black characters) because of the history of actual violence against Black bodies being used as entertainment, which means that fictional violence against Black people, written by white people, for a (presumed) white audience, still feels exploitative and demeaning.

I'm not going to get into all my thoughts on this discussion here but suffice to say that there's probably an impact on the demographics of whump works from authors of color who simply... don't want to see violence against people of color, even non-explicitly-racialized violence, and then another impact from white authors who choose not to write non-white characters either due to the reasons stated above, or simply due to their personal discomfort with how to go about writing non-white characters in a genre that is heavily focused on interpersonal violence.

Interestingly enough, there’s also a decent proportion of Japanese manga & anime being used as source material for whump, and manga-styled original works being created. The particular relationship between US-American and Japanese pop culture could take up a whole essay just by itself so I’ll just say, there’s a long history of US-Japanese cultural exchange which means that this tendency is also not all that surprising.

—

GENDER though. If someone had the time and the energy they could make a fucking CAREER out of examining gender in whump, gender dynamics in whump, and why there seems to be a fandom-wide preference for male whumpees that cannot be fully explained by the emphasis on male characters in the source text.

I have several different theories about factors which impact gender preference in whump, and anyone who has other theories (or disagrees with mine) is free to jump in and add on.

THEORY 1: AUTHOR GENDER AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
 Fandom in general is predominantly female, although these days it might be more accurate to say that fandom is predominantly composed of cis women and trans people of all genders. However, pretty much everyone who isn't a cis man has had to contend with the specter of gendered violence in their real personal life. Thus, if we posit whump (and fandom more generally) as a sort of escapist setup, it's not hard to see why whump authors & artists might willfully eschew writing female whumpees (especially in the case of inflicted whump), because (as in the discussion of people of color in whump above), even violence towards women that is explicitly non-gender-based may still hit too close to home for people whose lives have been saturated with the awareness of gender-based violence.

THEORY 2: SICK OF SEXY SUFFERING.
 Something of an addendum to theory 1, it's worth noting that depictions of female suffering in popular media are extremely gendered (in that they specifically reflect real-life gender-based violence, and that said real-life violence is almost exclusively referenced in relation to female characters) and frequently sexualized as well. There's only so many times you can see female characters having their clothes Strategically Ripped while they're held captive, being sexually menaced (overtly or implicitly) to demonstrate How Evil the villain is, or just getting outright sexually assaulted for the Drama of it all before it gets exhausting, especially when the narratives typically either brush any consequences under the rug, or dwell on them in a way that feels more voyeuristic and gratuitous than realistic and meaningful. All this may result in authors who, given the chance to write their own depictions of suffering, may decide simply to remove the possibility of gendered violence by removing the female gender.

THEORY 3: AUTHOR ATTRACTION. 
I'll admit that this one is more a matter of conjecture, as I haven't seen any good demographic breakdowns of attraction in general fandom or whump fandom. That said, my own experience talking to fellow whump fans does indicate that attraction to the characters (whether whumpers, or whumpees) is part of the draw of whump for some people. This one partially ties into theory 1 as well, in that people who are attracted to multiple genders may not derive the same enjoyment out of seeing a female character in a whumpy situation as they might seeing a male character in that situation, simply because of the experience of gendered violence in their lives.

THEORY 4: ACCEPTABLE TARGETS.
 The female history of fandom means that there's been a lot more discussion of the impacts of depicting pain & suffering (especially female suffering) for personal amusement. Thus, in some ways, you could say that there is a mild taboo on putting female characters through suffering if you can't "justify" it as meaningful to the narrative, not just titillating, which whump fandom rarely tries or requires anyone to do. This fan-cultural 'rule' may impact whump writers' and artists' decisions in choosing the gender of their characters.

THEORY 5: AN ALTERNATIVE TO MAINSTREAM MASCULINITY.
 Whump fandom may like whumping men because by and large, mainstream/pop culture doesn't let men be vulnerable, doesn't let them cry, doesn't let them have long-term health issues due to constantly getting beat up even when they really SHOULD, doesn't let them have mental health issues period. Female characters, as discussed in theory 2, get to ("get to") go through suffering and be affected by it (however poorly written those effects are), but typically, male characters' suffering is treated as a temporary problem, minimized, and sublimated into anger if at all possible. (For an example, see: every scene in a movie where something terrible happens and the male lead character screams instead of crying). So, as nature abhors a vacuum, whump fandom "over-produces" whump of men so as to fill in that gap in content.

THEORY 6: AMPLIFIED BIAS.
 While it's true that whump fandom doesn't have a source text, it's also true that whump fans frequently find their way into the fandom via other 'traditional' fandoms, and continue participating in 'traditional' fandoms as part of their whump fandom activity. Bias begets bias; fandom as a whole has a massive problem with focusing on white male characters, and fans who are used to the bias towards certain types of characters in derivative works absolutely reproduce that bias in their own original whump works.

—

I honestly think that there is greater bias in the whump fandom than anyone would like to admit. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems as though whump fans avoid introspection and discussion of the issue by bringing up the points I talked about in my previous theories, particularly discomfort with depictions of female suffering for amusement.

However, I think that, as artists, we owe it to ourselves and one another to engage in at least a small amount of self-interrogation over our preferences, and see what unconscious or unacknowledged biases we possess. It's a little absurd to argue that depictions of women as whumpees are universally too distressing to even discuss when a male character in the exact same position would be fine and even gratifying to the person making that argument; while obviously, people have a right to their own boundaries, those boundaries should not be used to shut down discussion of any topics, even sensitive ones.

Furthermore, engaging in personal reflection allows artists to make more deliberate (and meaningful) art. For people whose goal is simply to have fun, that may not seem all that appealing, but having greater understanding of one's own preferences can be very helpful towards deciding what works to create, what to focus on when creating, and what works to seek out.

—

GENDER ADDENDUM: NONBINARY CHARACTERS, NONBINARY AUTHORS. 
Of course, this whole discussion so far has been exclusively based on a male-female binary, which is reductive. (I will note, though, that many binary people do effectively sort all nonbinary people they know of into 'female-aligned' and 'male-aligned' categories and then proceed to treat the nonbinary people and characters they have categorized a 'female-aligned' the same way as they treat people & characters who are actually female, and ditto for 'male-aligned'. That tendency is very frustrating for me, as a nonbinary person whose gender has NOTHING to do with any part of the binary, and reveals that even 'progressive' fandom culture has quite a ways to go in its understanding of gender.)

Anyways, nonbinary characters in whump are still VERY rare and typically written by nonbinary authors. (I have no clue whether nonbinary whump fans have, as a demographic group, different gender preferences than binary fans, but I'd be interested in seeing that data.)

As noted above with female characters, it's similarly difficult to have a discussion about representation and treatment of nonbinary characters in whump fandom, and frankly in fandom in general. Frequently, people regard attempts to open discussions on difficult topics as a call for conflict. This defensive stance once again reveals the distaste for requests of meaningful self-examination that is so frequent in fandom spaces, and online more generally.

—

TL;DR: Whump is not immune to the same gender & racial biases that are prevalent in fandom and (US-American) culture. If you enjoy whump: ask yourself why you dislike the things you dislike— the answer may surprise you. If you create whump: ask yourself whose stories you tell, and what stories you refuse to tell— then ask yourself why.

[kryptsune]

World Building Wednesday! ~Felldritch

🌼I got a request to do a WBW for Felldritch and since there have been updates to the overall world and lore I wanted to make sure this was all in a nice little package! If you have questions and want to learn more let me know the ask box is always open!  So let's get started! Oh and here is a link to the fic! FELLDRITCH

Felldritch

Classification: HorrorFELL

Cult  Alternate “Nicknames”:

Red: Saw Boss: Corvus

Gaster: Sephtis

Asriel: Saber Toriel: Ameria

Asgore: Kirnon

Undyne: Ryx Alphys: Vesh Muffet: Carmilla Grillby: Noire MTT: Faust

Doggo: Croix

Riverperson: Bastet (Tet)

Main Plot Synop: Felldritch takes place after a pacifist run by Frisk. The story briefly goes as follows. Frisk ends up in the Underworld (Underground) and befriends the monsters and wants to set them free. It is basically a way watered down version of WTU in essence. Once reaching the end of her journey the monsters refuse to let her be that final soul. They would rather wait and figure out something else but with her Determination she promises to return to them and set them free. At this point in time she is around 18-19. Asriel sacrifices himself to that end to see her leave through the barrier only for the humans to capture the poor girl after she leaves. They conclude that she is not mentally stable due to her insistence that monsters are real and throw her into an asylum/sanitarium to be “treated”. Nearly 5+ years later and she manages to escape finding herself once again in the Underworld only it is far different from what she remembers. At this point, she is questioning whether anything is real or not. After being “treated” for so long she doesn’t quite know which reality is the true one. As Red (aka Saw) points out:

The Brothers: 

Red: The younger brother of the two. His attachment to Frisk stems into more of a relationship though he blames himself for loosing her all those years ago. This psychological state causes him to throw himself into the problem that is befalling their world. At first nothing seems to combat this intrusive forest and horrifying beasts but he learns to utilize his magic in a different way. Prior to this he is what one would think of a a Red type but after meeting Frisk he promises to not only change his heart but also the hearts of others. Instead of destructive magical ability he follows in his brothers footsteps and takes up healing practice. 

In the world he is known as the merchant, the one that tends to give out healing items in exchange for coin but the bulk of his business relies on talismans or charms to ward off the evil plaguing their home. As far as they all know these magically infused charms are powerful and have incredible protective capabilities. He runs a wagon that travels around the entire Underworld.

In the current timeline he more sympathetic and empathetic. The concept of Kill or be Killed is no longer a factor. This is mainly about survival and for the most part the other monsters are aware that working together is their best option though their heightened paranoia (validly founded btw) makes it difficult sometimes. His personality is lighthearted on the surface, making jokes, and being a good guy. In a way he reminds me of Jester who tries not to dwell on what is going on but is fully aware of the situation. Red wears a blindfold in public to keep up appearances but he has no vision or eye light problems.

Boss: After Frisk’s departure from the Underworld, Boss, takes her words to heart. Unlike the majority of Fell Pap characterization he is very soft. When he feels his brother no longer needs his guidance he begins to feel purposeless until he learns that like his brother he has the magical ability for healing. As Red is the charm merchant of the two, Boss is the apothecary. His design harkens to plague doctors back in the 17th century. He grows all his own herbs and spices but he is particularly fond of tea. He also wears a blindfold just like Red but unlike Red he does in fact have damage to his left eye socket where the teal color of his eye lights no longer inhabits. 

The two combined help their fellow monsters as much as they can but in a world of uncertainty how are you supposed to know who to trust? 

Frisk’s Mental Demons: The psychological toll on Frisk is great as she has been told constantly that she made up her time in the Underworld in order to shut herself away into a fantasy world. A world where she had a family… where she is loved and wanted. This happens frequently as the “Doctors” continuously try to refute her experiences or sensations medically.  Every time she goes to sleep in the Underworld she ends up back at the Asylum tied down kicking and screaming. 

She only wakes up again when she is sedated. Rinse and repeat. The question is… is it real? Or rather which is real. The doctors go on to state that her dark state of mind twisted her original concept behind her “family” making them this eldritch styled horror. He also goes onto explain that the reason she is so drawn and close to Red is that it is her “flirting with death”. That she is accepting that outcome because if she continues to resist treatment she will die and the moment she trusts him in her “fantasy��� that will be the end. These kinds of situations happen a lot.

There are also instances when the lines between real and fiction are blurred as Frisk's behavior consists apparently of defensive aggression, auditory, visual, and olfactory hallucination, acute paranoia, anxiety, and PTSD. One such example of this is her apparent psychiatrist, Dr. Cyrus Reycroft, who happens to have an uncanny resemblance to her skeletal friend if he was human. 

The Beasts: Felldritch plays off Eldritch horror aka the fear of the unknown. As Frisk reunites with Red she is subjected to a rather concerning conversation in which he explains the situation they are in. He mentions having crossed into an upside down broken and colorless world which drew both himself and his older brother into. It is implied that the two stepped into a dimensional space that was able to then afflict those within their own dimension. Over time the inhabitants begin to go missing and great otherworldly hellish beasts begin appearing. The inhabitants come to the conclusion that these creatures can not afflict you with their corruption if you can not see, hear, or speak in their presence. This mindset has some rather gruesome implications as inhabitants become irrationally desperate mutilating themselves to adhere to the new "See no evil, Speak no evil, Hear no evil”.

The Occult World: The cult as I keep referring to it as is a group of powerful monsters. After the deposition of the King the other monsters begin to become influenced by outside sources. They begin to believe that any fallen humans are the angels of death and because of this they will kill humans on sight, of course, they want to live in denial of their horrible deeds because monster souls are supposed to be made up of love and kindness. Unlike the cult that wishes to break the barrier, the rest want to stay hidden from the beasts above believing that the humans are to blame for all that has happened.

The senses play a huge roll in this idea as the beasts are rumored to be able to use souls like puppets, as in spys, if they are corrupted. It essentially becomes like a hive mind with the main entity being able to see, hear, and speak through those it comes in contact with. It’s no secret that Red is in fact infected by this entity in some form as this is a quote from the fic:

A set of antlers snagged the velvety cape as he worked the metalwork to release its hold on the material around his throat.

Bony fingers tugged on the bunched up fabric and pulled it back, revealing a charcoal grey sweater underneath. It was soft to the touch but just hidden beneath the wool she caught a glimpse of off white colored bone. There were bits and pieces that had been chipped off, knicks, and cuts. Even before they had met Red had some scars especially around his collarbone but that was not what caused her to gasp. His hood remained over his head as if using it to shield his expression from her view, “See?” He flinched when her fingers traced some of the scars.

She didn’t want to appear like she was fearful of what she was witnessing but her fingers quivered, pulling them back toward herself. A soft whimper of a voice left her, “R...Red…” There intertwined with the magically composed vertebrae of his spine were branches. The same deep blackish red wood that plagued this entire forest. It wove itself through the bone engulfing portions of his ribs, twisting it into chilling patterns. If it was allowed to continue its infestation it would crack his ribcage open in a bloodless gaping fissure. She could just make out that gentle white and crimson glow shrouded by the wood. Was that his soul? There was no other explanation.

It looked like the branches were trying to worm their way toward that glowing heart, pierce it, and absorb it into its oily black, almost pulsating bark. That was only one singular aspect of horror that she was now subjected to. Her eyes followed the trail that crept through the bone following the knots and twists that crept up and underneath where his skull attached to his spine.

The grip that he kept on her hand only tightened while the other shifted to pull the hood off his skull. Her eyes widened, reddish-brown irises wavering within a sea of white. A hand rose to land on her mouth, now agape in a silent gasp. She could see the same strange bark that comprised his antlers exited straight out of his skull. There were fractures that radiated from above the temporal portion of his cranium in concentric circles. The same kind of patterning one would see from blunt force trauma. Only this had pushed out the bone externally rather than internally. His sockets no longer contained those ever dulling carmine eye lights as her own eyes traced the hairline cracks along his head. She could not imagine the kind of pain a transformation like that would have caused him. There were places where the bone had tried to heal and suture itself back together, forming around the bark.

Angel of Salvation (a.k.a. The Eldritch Horror)- What the cult has been working toward is summoning their ��savior” with the help of the human souls they are bound to. It gives them extra abilities and power. Each within the ranks is bound to a human soul. Their leader ??? wants to use this power to summon an “angel.” It turns out that is actually an unholy amalgamated eldritch beast/god out for blood instead. Humanity will perish and the monsters will take control of the surface once more. That is the reality. (The cult including Red is told otherwise).

[bao3bei4]

i have basically covered the material in this post several times on my twitter. but this is, in my opinion, the only s*xy t*mes with w*ngxian take you need. 

(cw transphobia, transphobic slurs, antiblack racism, mentions of csa and bestiality in fiction)

edit 6/10/21: hi! i’m realizing people are still reading this! this was written in response to aja romano’s vox article on the fic that was published in late february of this year. i had been frustrated with how their article seemed to miss the point in many ways, because they never talked about the substance of the fic. which, i mean, fair. i wouldn’t want to read a 1million word fic either.

but i already had, so i thought i’d write about some things that i believed needed to be part of the conversation. namely, that its author wasn’t a harmless troll, but a person i genuinely disliked who i believed should be deplatformed.

i think virtual1979 is a bad person. 

i think a lot of people mainly know about sexy times the phenomenon more than they do sexy times the fic itself. i have the dubious honor of being one of the few people who has actually read large portions of the million word fic, and that’s why i wanted to write this meanspirited hit piece. 

the fic is down right now and the author’s notes and comments have both been deleted, which is why i cannot provide screenshots. however, these are all quotes i have saved from when the fic was online, and i’m happy to talk with anyone if you feel any of these quotes are mischaracterizations of the fic. 

i also want to be clear this is not a “callout post” and i’m not trying to “cancel” them or whatever. i am just explaining why i don’t like them, why i don’t feel bad they’re being harassed, and why i do not find them sympathetic at all, and perhaps why you should also adopt these stances. 

let’s start with transphobia. 

sexy times with wangxian is transphobic. this much is apparent from the tags. virtual1979 tagged the following: F*tanari, d*ckgirl, Sh*male. they use this language in the chapters that include a character with both a vagina and a penis. 

they refer to this character (wei wuxian) with the pronouns “he-she.” the following excerpt is a fair representation of how this wei wuxian is referred to in the chapters where wei wuxian has a vagina and a penis. 

[Lan Zhan] would never be turned on by a female, and he would actually be turned off by a drag queen - but this… this Wei Ying, it’s Wei Ying, and he-she looks [...]

i know these words are common in porn categories, but they are also slurs. virtual1979 also uses hermaphrodite to refer to this set of anatomy, which is not strictly a slur, but definitely a stigmatizing choice of language. 

they have repeatedly made clear they are not open to criticism. they have also since removed the comment section. making an intersex character for the express purpose of using transmisogynistic language towards them in your million word porn fic isn’t annoying the way their tags are, it’s actively fucked up. 

fanfiction has a transphobia problem, and if we’re talking about sexy times with wangxian in any capacity, we must be clear: sexy times with wangxian is part of that problem too. 

secondly, virtual1979 is also complicit in ao3’s racism problem.

i think the way they write about chinese characters and settings is annoying and racist, but they are a malaysian chinese person, so i do have some sympathy for them. i am committed to having some patience for people who are annoying if they themselves are working through the prejudice they have faced. 

they’ve commented as much: 

Not gonna lie, this fic has been a steep learning curve for me despite my roots being Chinese as well, but I have absolutely zero knowledge in some of these aspects!

and i’m happy on some level they can get in touch with their roots. who among us has not been cringe and diaspora. any criticisms i have of their portrayal of chinese people will stay private and be made to other people of color.

i’m going to be clear here i don’t think the actual comment they made makes them super evil or anything. but this essay IS clearly in response to That Article, which did mention racism in fandom. so.

i think we have all seen the infamous karen comment they made, in which they compared people who criticized their tagging with “Karens,” equating antiblack state violence to... mean comments on ao3? and “SJWs,” which, eye roll. no ageism but you’re 41 why the hell are you complaining about sjws

anyway. i am deeply frustrated by the co-option of the word karen. a stand-in for a particular type of racist violence white women specifically can and do inflict has become fused with that reddit-type mommy issue “can i speak to the manager” internecine white resentment. 

so their trivialization of antiblack racism is another reason i don’t like them. again i KNOW it’s petty to point this out here, but this to me shows that virtual is afflicted with the same kind of fandom brainrot that aja is, where everything comes back to that same sort of self-centered bullshit. 

sorry for that jab. julian told me that aja thought that cql was about callout culture and all i could think was “wow! just like virtual thinking that--” because i also have spent too much time on twitter this week. 

this is just like. part of this ongoing pattern i’ve noticed with virtual, where they’re aware enough of real problems to acknowledge they exist (police violence, accessibility issues caused by their tagging) but are determined to double down on their minor relative persecution as king, shittily drawing parallels between like... real problems and fandom problems. equating the two or allowing the second to take priority over the former is like... par for the course for this type of person! 

third, this is just another clarification on more parallels between ao3 discourse and sexy times that went completely unremarked on by That Article. 

i would rather DIE than get into discourse. but why did they write this sentence: 

Lan Zhan’s rational mind finally broke with a tsunami of pedophilic lusts [...]

by the way that is the start of a 430 word sentence. and yes this fic does contain hundreds of thousands of words of aged down wei wuxian. make of that what you will. 

also why would you make wei wuxian teach baby chickens how to sexually pleasure him. do you hate these characters. what’s going on. i think mxtx should be able to sue virtual for that one. 

there’s a very obvious connection between mainstream ao3 discourse and sexy times that went completely unremarked on in That Article. sexy times contains multitudes and some of those multitudes are bestiality and explicit childfucking. 

this is not unrelated to fannish culture, they are not unfamiliar with fannish norms, blah blah blah. this is just normal fandom. they’re not subverting shit, they’re just a normal fan who unlike 99% of fanfiction writers on twitter, spends more time writing than posting. this has taken their fannish tendencies to cartoonish heights. 

finally, they don’t care about mdzs or wangxian. they’re literally just horny and spiteful that’s it. this isn’t a question of like... “ohh they were a good faith participant in fandom until they went joker mode” and the REAL villain is society/ao3. like no they wanted to write shitty porn, and when they found out they were annoying people, they decided to double down because they could be the main character of the mdzs ao3 tag every time they found a spare hour to write. 

here are some select receipts on that topic:

they do not care about canon: 

MDZS has quite a complicated and expansive plot and history, and enough content that one can choose to tune out certain parts and still get to the end of the story in one piece. Also, because of its source, some fans may not fully realize the nuances, cultural aspects (ooh, cultural appropriation is another triggering topic) or the full breadth and depth of the source material, such as a person like me, who is half-baked in terms of knowing what the canon universe is all about. So I end up playing with characters and settings technically borrowed from the story, and make them do things that would otherwise run counter to the original source material - and that draws quite some flak from those opinionated people I mentioned just now. It's part of what makes the fandom toxic. It's like they're the self-appointed guardians of the source material and they act like they own the rights to question such questionble fanworks, and dare I say, try to take down those that cross certain lines too.

they are just horny: 

After that giddines of extra drunken Lan Wang Ji scenes at the beginning, I'm blessed with Lan Wang Ji (Wang Yibo's, actually) fuzzy nips! Bless Bless Bless, and Amen! muahs the nips on the screen

anyway they did get nuked over wishing covid on people. 

so yeah. i want to be really clear. this is my thesis: i do not feel bad for them. you should not either. i do not like them. you should not either. that’s ALL!!!! 

[missnight0wl]

Who do you think is the mole?

Merula is the mole

And I’m not saying that because everything bad has to be Merula. It truly makes the most sense, and as soon as I realised it, I was like: “Well, duh! Obviously!”. I’ll try to explain everything the best I can, but first, I want to address some basic things about the mole, proving that Alanza is probably NOT our culprit (as I believe she’s one of the most common suspects in fandom). I already talked about it a little in other posts, but I want to organise everything and maybe add something.

To begin with, there’s a lot of evidence that R is watching MC ever since they came to Hogwarts or at least Y2. There was someone contacting/controlling Ben when the cursed ice appeared. In Y3, we even got a warning Letter From No One:

In Y4, someone was controlling Ben again. In Y5, MC AND Ben were attacked by someone, and it’s still unknown whether or not they were under Imperius too. Someone unleashed a Dementor on Hogwarts, and R knew that MC defeated it as soon as it happened. Someone, who’s description fit a Red Cloak, moved the portrait which trapped Beatrice later.

And of course, each vault every year was allegedly tampered by someone, causing the new curse to occur. In Y5, someone made Rowan draw their wand on us, and while it was implied that it was Pettigrew, it was never confirmed. Either way, R had never problems to take actions at Hogwarts. Moreover, they seem to be well aware of our every move. MC also sometimes talks during classes that they feel like being watched. So, if R was successfully pulling strings all those years, even without Rakepick, why would they bother now to bring Alanza to the castle? Especially that there was a huge gap when Rakepick was already gone, but Alanza was still not there! It could’ve been as long as six months, judging by Ben’s comment before Rowan’s death that they’re well into the sixth year. And quite a lot happened in that time! For example, we found the letter from R to Jacob. There’s no way it was left by accident, and while it’s possible it was placed by Jacob himself, it doesn’t change the fact that R didn’t need Alanza for that. So, again, why would they need her exactly?

Admittedly, the way they talked about it in the recent chapter:

… does make it sound as if the mole is someone SENT by R. However, I believe it’s just unfortunate wording because in that case, it could be only Alanza (and as I said, it just doesn’t really make sense). Like, none of our friends was “planted” by R. Even if they were recruited before coming to Hogwarts, they were simply kids in school-age anyway. It could be about a teacher or something, but they’re all the books canon characters. Unless it’s about the new DADA professor we haven’t even seen yet, but I doubt it.

Now, I think we can all agree that the mole is most likely another student. Sure, an adult would have more influence among the staff, maybe access to more places, but they also wouldn’t get as close to MC, and I assume that’s the point – to know what MC’s doing. Although, when I’m looking at the examples I listed above, I have to say that it’s possible that there is somebody else involved (other than the mole), but still, one of our peers would be the best as the source of information. So, without further ado, let’s explain how Merula fits into that puzzle.

YEAR 1

From the very beginning, Merula talked badly about Jacob because of his obsession with the Cursed Vaults. But then, something’s changed after our first duel, and even MC pointed out how odd it was.

I wouldn’t be surprised if R reached Merula at some point before that conversation and convinced her that the Cursed Vaults are real and very much worth it to search for them. Alternatively, Merula knew about it already when she came to Hogwarts, and then it’s connected to the Devil’s Snare accident. This idea is based on my other theory that Jacob made a deal with R that he’d join them IF they wouldn’t hurt MC. The deal was valid for the first two years; however, if R used Merula to hurt/kill MC, their hands would technically be clean.

YEAR 2

I wrote about it in the past during my replay, but there’s quite a lot of material so I’ll just leave a link here. It’s very important for this theory, though, so please, go and read it to fully understand my thought process.

YEAR 3

This is the year when we found Jacob’s room. And if you claim that Merula can’t lie or hide important information: she can. She didn’t tell us about Jacob’s room for at least a year, and she probably wouldn’t tell at all if we didn’t find our brother’s notebook. Also, there’s a possibility that she took something from there:

Was she lying, though? What could she take? What did she do with it?

Later the same year, Merula was following us to the Library AGAIN (the Vault of Fear), as she was ALSO following us back in Y1. When you think about it, Merula follows MC quite a lot, also in later years… Eavesdropping on MC and Talbott, learning that we’re an Animagus (in the “Animagus Adventure SQ”, so separately from Talbott’s situation), sending Ismelda to eavesdrop on us when MC wanted to leave Hogwarts in Y6, following us when we practised Protego with Jacob… She also knows that she can manipulate MC emotionally. The Frog Choir TLSQ anyone? Even if she wasn’t lying then about her mother, she still had no problems to use her suffering to influence MC and get what she wanted.

YEAR 4

Well, as I mentioned in the post linked in YEAR 2, this is the year when Merula was openly working with Rakepick. If you want to believe that Rakepick is evil and was always a member of R, that’s pretty much it. Perhaps Merula wasn’t aware of that, but still.

Although, what I believe is that Rakepick wasn’t a member of R, but she knew they’re using Merula. Therefore, Patricia “took care” of her for two reasons: 1) so Merula stopped being a pain in the ass for MC, 2) so she could control R’s influence on Merula.

YEAR 5

Here’s where things got a bit complicated because of the events in the Portrait Vault, and a lot depends on what’s really going on with Rakepick. Still, here are some possible explanations:

If Rakepick is evil and Merula was really tortured: Rakepick used Crucio on Merula even though she’s their mole as a punishment for getting too attached to MC. I personally don’t feel close to Merula at all because Jam City fucked up her writing, and so I have no reasons whatsoever to like her. However, they basically skipped to MC and Merula being friends whether you like it or not, so here you are. And Merula was supposed to get close to MC but not like them.

If Rakepick is evil, but the torture was staged: R needed MC to suffer, but they didn’t want to actually hurt their mole.

If Rakepick is not evil: The torture was staged, but Rakepick told R that Merula should be punished for getting attached to MC (so R THOUGHT that Merula was really tortured but she wasn’t) OR they agreed to that, so they’ll make MC suffer without hurting their mole.

YEAR 6

Again, because it depends so much on what’s really happened in the Portrait Vault, it’s even more complicated than Y5, so… I’ll try to explain what I personally believe is going on.

Rakepick staged the torture scene with Merula, and no matter if R thinks it was real or not, she also instructed Merula to keep R believing that she’s their mole. Merula is still delivering R information, but perhaps it’s possibly limited or maybe she even lies about some things to them. I’m not sure what to do with Rowan’s death here (or “death”), but I don’t think Merula was expecting that. I imagine that she thinks that Rakepick screwed everyone over and plays on her own entirely. If that’s the case, she might want to continue to be R’s mole if she believes that it’ll help her expose Rakepick eventually. I mean, if she just told R: “Hey, she doesn’t really work for you”, Rakepick would probably weasel out of it somehow.

Merula being the mole also goes along with Jacob telling us about the assassin being after MC and Merula (Y6Ch6):

He apparently talked about the Wizard in White then, but now we know that he actually isn’t an assassin. So… how did Jacob make that mistake? I mean, if the Wizard in White wanted to take MC to R so they’d join them, they HAD TO have a similar approach towards Jacob. In fact, they wrote to Jacob about joining them after Duncan’s death. Why Jacob thought that they’d try to kill MC now?

Well, it’s simple: it’s not real Jacob and he works for R. Why R wanted MC to think that there’s an assassin after them, though? Well, it’s based on my old theory, but… I don’t buy that the Wizard in White is a member of R. I believe that he was supposed to help MC somehow. R wanted MC to know that there’s an assassin so they’d be distrustful towards new people (including the Wizard in White). What about Merula then? I see two explanations which could coexist: 1) R wanted to scare Merula so she wouldn’t reveal to MC that she’s the mole (when she heard about an assassin being after her, she could’ve connected the dots), 2) Merula is more impulsive than MC, so if she was expecting an assassin, she’d attack him with the intention to hurt or kill, getting rid of the Wizard in White and R’s problem.

(I know that the part about the assassin doesn’t work in the light of the recent chapter, but I’m still trying to figure it out, and I might write a separate post on how the Wizard in White is not a member of R.)

Also, not that it’s super solid evidence, but Merula was the one who suggested that the mole might be among the teachers:

Yeah, there’s some logic in that, but as I said at the beginning, I think we can all agree that it’s way more likely that the mole is a student. I’m not saying that Merula is trying to buy some time before she’s discovered, buuut…

Anyway, I’m almost certain that Merula is the mole. I even hope for that because it could be a very interesting plot: Merula who started from despising MC and wanting to harm them, starting to appreciate the value of friendship and questioning her actions. Of course, it’d be even more interesting if Jam City put any effort in her redemption arc, but oh well. It’s also kind of brilliant that Merula created that rivalry with MC when it comes to the Cursed Vaults, and she did it so well that we don’t even question WHY this rivalry exists. That maybe it’s just an excuse to gain information and pass it on. I mean, look at our conversation in “Flying Solo” TLSQ”:

Merula is so casual about it that MC is not even particularly concerned about her getting information on the Cursed Vaults. You know, they say the darkest place is under the candle...

[streamacademe]

Bonus post: Thesis writing.

This post will be a combination of tips and tricks I have received from numerous sources, with the majority coming from Shinton Consulting and STREAM IDC staff. 

The big T

If you’re anything like me, just the word ‘thesis’ can instill a sense of dread in me. However, the best way to deal with a phobia is to face it head on, so let’s do just that, both in a literal and metaphorical sense. 

What a thesis is and what to expect...

Writing a thesis could take anywhere between four weeks to a whole year, and sometimes even longer! The worst thing you can do is compare your progress to that of others; setting a benchmark is one thing, but beating yourself into a panicked pulp because you haven’t written as many chapters as a fellow PhD/EngD won’t do you any good. The best thing you can do is have regular discussions with your supervisors on how long your thesis will take and plan accordingly. 🕖

Your thesis has to be fit for purpose (that is to pass), which means that it has to:

Satisfy the expectations of your institution and industry sponsor (if applicable).

How did you solve the problem that was proposed to you?

Contain material which presents a unified body of work that could reasonably be achieved on the basis of three years’ postgraduate study and research.

Show you have done the work and impress your examiners.

Allow your examiners to confirm that the thesis is an original work, which makes a significant contribution to the field, including material worthy of publication.

Research your examiners and quote them where possible, especially if they’re relevant to your field.

Show adequate knowledge of the field of study and relevant literature. 

Make sure you read all of the key papers in your field. 

What were the gaps in knowledge?

The ‘references’ section is very important as this sets the scene and examiners will read this. BUT, don’t have too many references. 

Demonstrate critical judgement with regard to both the candidate’s work and that of other scholars in the same general field.

Compare approaches and conclusions of others.

Note potential conflicts of interest.

Why did you use this method/approach?

Is your interpretation the only possible explanation?

Be presented in a clear, consistent, concise, and accessible format. 

Make your examiners lives easier. 

Make your viva as pleasant as can be!

Basically, you need to know why your project was important, be able to explain the key work that has already been done in the area and how it relates to your research aim. You should then be able to explain what you have done during your research and how this contributes to your field. 

Note: Keep checking university regulations! Each university should have their own code of practice for supervisors and research students, which will look something like this. 

Picture: A short summary of the above. Source: Tumblr.

Planning and writing

I’m not going to lie to you, it is not going to be easy. I have only just embarked on the journey myself and am already overwhelmed. However, with the right preparation, coping mechanisms in place, and a tremendous amount of self-discipline, we will get through. ☕

Getting started

You need to practice writing. That’s as simple as advice gets. 

You need to practice reading other PhD/EngD theses, mainly to understand what to expect, and to experience what being the audience for a thesis is like. 

Create a thesis plan... 

To start the mammoth task that is thesis writing, it needs to be fully understood and broken down into manageable chunks.

Make a plan (perhaps based on the table of contents of another thesis) of all the sections and chapters in the thesis.

Then break these into sections and keep breaking it down until you are almost at the paragraph level.

Now you can start writing!

Where to start the actual writing?

Start with the most comfortable chapter, such as a previously published paper, a set of results that are straightforward and can be easily explained, methodology/methods, etc. 

Create a storyboard for your thesis and write as if you are telling that story.

If you’re not sure what comes next, refer to previous theses and back to your plan and storyboard. 

Be ready to amend the plan for future chapters as each is completed and you become more aware of what the thesis must contain.

Remember: THINKING IS HARD, WRITING IS EASIER. 💭

Organisation

Develop and maintain a logical filing system.

Improve your back up technique; if it’s not saved in 3+ locations, it is not safely backed up.

Back up every day.

Never overwrite previous documents, just make many versions. It’s not worth the risk of losing a valuable piece of work from a copy and paste error.

Copy any key parts from your lab/note/field books as these can get lost/damaged.

Keep a file/folder of thoughts, references, etc. that you are not including in your thesis; these may be useful to refer back to for ideas and information.

Effective writing

Establish a routine, don’t be distracted, take breaks.

Set clear and realistic goals for each week/day. 

A GANTT chart is very good for this; use it to keep on track and measure progress.

You just gotta start. The hardest part is the beginning.

Don’t stall on details, walk away for a short break to clear your mind.

Get formatting correct from the start (check your code of practice/regulations).

Be consistent with references.

Seek help from the experts - supervisors, postdocs, online sources/training programmes etc.

Create SMART objectives for your writing process:

Specific - e.g. “I will complete chapter 3/collate all diagrams” rather than “I will make good progress”.

Measurable - e.g. “I will write 4 pages today” not “I will try to write as much as I can”.

Achievable - e.g. “I will complete the first draft for my supervisor” not “I will get it perfect before he/she sees it”.

Realistic - e.g. “I will complete the introduction today” not “I will complete a chapter a week”.

Time - it can be useful to set yourself deadlines e.g. tell your supervisor you will hand in a draft on a certain day - that way you are sure to have it done.

Finally, find a balance between being tough with yourself whilst protecting your well-being the best you can. I wrote a post a little while ago that covers managing your mental health during a PhD. Read it here. 

GIF: Anna Kendrick dishing out some top advice. Source: Tumblr.

A few more tips

Supervisor management

Establish what you want to cover in each meeting.

Keep a record of the outcomes and actions from those meetings.

Make your supervisors lives easy; they’re very busy humans.

They are unlikely to judge work unless it is presented completely (i.e. fully written with tables, figures, etc.).

Give them a neat, complete version of a chapter at a time (proof-read thoroughly and spell-checked).

It is in your supervisors interest for you to complete in good time; they are experts and will offer a lot of support.

To summarise, a good thesis:

Has an appreciation of what came before.

Focuses on the interesting and important.

Is well reasoned.

Will change the way people think.

Will teach your supervisors something. 

Has publishable results.

Is logical in presentation, analysis, and arguments.

Is well illustrated with tables, figures, graphs, summary flow charts etc.

It is worth spending a lot of time on these. 

Is written without grammatical and spelling errors.

Has an appreciation of what comes next.

I hope that the above was helpful! There are many resources out there, so get exploring if you need more advice!

I’ll soon be writing a post on how to survive your viva! So, watch this space. ✨

Photo: Make this your phone/desktop/laptop/everything background when you’re writing, I know I will! Source: Tumblr.

[eggfucker-1]

Ai yah, I really have to respond to this post again, huh?

Well, for starters, I apologize for a mistake I made in my original post. In the OP, I insinuated that the Princess Zeldas we see in the series could have possibly had a role in the atrocities committed by the royal family. This is incorrect, and it was poor wording on my part. I should have clarified my intentions when writing that particular passage; however, I felt it was unimportant, given that the point wasn’t solely about Princess Zelda, but how the addition of the Goddess Hylia and the Demon King Demise not only invalidates Ganondorf’s character up to that point, but adds much greater weight to the terrible actions committed by the royal family, especially towards the Sheikah.

Given that tumblr user lorelylantana is the third person to make a reply by discussing the reincarnation cycle, rather than the actual point of my post, perhaps I should have proofread and double checked my post before sending it out into the world to cause problems on purpose.

With that said, after I read lorelylantana’s response, I felt it necessary to make a proper reply of my own. It’s going to be a rather lengthy reply, as I have many things to say and many images to post.

However, I’m going to do all that I can to avoid discussing fanon or fan theories. I don’t mind them, but adding fanon wasn’t the point of my original post, and it shouldn’t have been the focus of the responses I received. I want to stay as close to the canon Nintendo laid out as possible. Thusly, my sources will strictly be drawn from the games, game manuals, Creating a Champion, Hyrule Historia, and Hyrule Encyclopedia. Despite the latter two being dubiously canon, they were approved by Nintendo, so they’re worth mentioning.

So, without further delay, let us begin.

-       “The original post seems to be based on the idea that Zelda and the royal family of Hyrule are synonymous, which is questionable for reasons I’ll get into later.”

For all intents and purposes, yes. Zelda and the royal family are synonymous, as she is the face of the royal family in almost every Zelda game featuring her. Even if she isn’t the ruler of Hyrule in that particular moment, she is our figurehead for the monarchy, by all means.

-       “The games don’t hand wave the actions of Hyrule’s royal family, they just don’t go out of their way to hold a young girl personally responsible for the actions of kings […]”

While the actions of the royal family are briefly acknowledged, as is the case with the Shadow Temple and the Arbiter’s Grounds, the monarchy has never had to answer for their actions. Even in the case of the Sheikah’s massive exile 10,000 years ago, the royal family never answers for this, nor are they ever portrayed being in the wrong. In fact, the event in question is only mentioned by a single member of the Sheikah in Breath of the Wild, Cado.

Image credit goes to YouTube user Macintyre.

The royal family’s actions are never directly described as “these were horrible things that happened.” Instead, it’s simply, “yeah, it happened.” There is no acknowledgement that the Yiga was created by the royal family’s own hands, nor is there any emphasis placed on the impact any of these acts have.

For example, the exile of the Sheikah wasn’t even the first instance of the royal family of Hyrule mass-exiling a group of people and displacing them from their original homes.

After the events of Ocarina of Time, Ganondorf is captured and executed for his crimes leading up to the events of the game and presumably the events of the Adult Timeline, given Young Link’s testimony. (I’ll get into why the King of Hyrule believes Link over Zelda later.) After Ganondorf was executed, the Gerudo were forced out of Gerudo Valley and banished from the Haunted Wasteland. Even during the events of Twilight Princess, the Gerudo Desert is completely abandoned. Once again, there is no discussion concerning the royal family’s actions, with the narrative instead being that the Gerudo, some of whom were actively against Ganondorf’s actions and many of whom were hypnotized during the events of OoT, are entirely at fault and have to atone for their sin of… having Ganondorf for a leader, I suppose.

Source: Creating a Champion, p. 405

Source: Hyrule Encyclopedia, p. 46

The royal family gets to punish an entire people for the actions of one man. Rather than the act being portrayed as negative or even discussed, it’s hardly even mentioned.

While I’m aware Encyclopedia’s canonicity is dubious at best, its material was still approved for publication by Nintendo. Thusly, I feel it worthy to discuss.

To summate, the royal family did bad things, and very select few acknowledge it.

Next point.

-       “I think that the Zelda/Hylia = good Ganon = bad situation serves a narrative purpose that justifies the black and white nature of the games because it highlights the shades of gray in between installments…”

The Legend of Zelda is almost thirty-five years old. This series should have long evolved beyond the black-and-white-morality narrative, especially when the side we’re supposed to sympathize with literally used the Sheikah to commit war crimes. You don’t have to have stark white and pitch black in order to see shades of gray.

-       “… And trying to assign Zelda a dark side is kind of missing the point, especially when no one seems to question Link’s morality even though he’s constantly stealing people’s stuff.”

Examples of Consequences to Link Stealing People’s Stuff

1.     In Twilight Princess, stealing from Trill will result in the bird branding you a thief and pecking you every time you come near him, which will only cease when you finally pay up.

2.     In Link’s Awakening, stealing from the old man’s shop will result in instant death the next time you enter his shop. If you steal, your name is changed to THIEF for the rest of the game.

Furthermore, Link is controlled by the player; thusly, his actions have no consequence to the story or Link’s character. Zelda, on the other hand, is an active participant in the story, whose actions and whose family’s actions weigh heavily on the games. That’s not to say Zelda is ever evil. However, as much as she is a victim of her own family’s history, she still has just as much power to change it.

-       “If the games wanted to gloss over the sins committed by the royal family[,] they wouldn’t have designed entire dungeons around them.”

I reiterate: the sins of the royal family were mentioned once, and then immediately dropped shortly thereafter. It’s not there for you to dwell upon, merely window dressing as if to say, “Yeah, that happened.”

-       “I believe The Legend of Zelda series is a critique of the Divine Right of Kings”

Until the events of Skyward Sword, the Hylian Royal Family wasn’t a divine lineage. A thirty-five-year-old series can’t be a critique of a concept that it barely even acknowledges. The only emphasis placed on the “goddess blood” part of the royal family is in Breath of the Wild, in relation to Zelda having to unlock her sealing powers. Despite the massive repercussions the revelation of the royal family’s lineage tying back to divinity should have, it’s barely even mentioned,let alone discussed.

As a side note, the divine right of kings specifically denotes that the monarch is chosen by God to rule. In contrast, the Hylian Royal Family continues to rule by, presumably, claiming lineage to the Goddess Hylia, which is closer to traditional practice in feudal Japan.

-       “If the Divine Right of Queens is indeed present, does that justify a hereditary monarchy? As far as the Legend of Zelda is concerned[,] the answer is no.”

The Legend of Zelda series never questions the validity of the royal family’s rule.

-       “Isn’t it funny that the Kingdom of Hyrule seems to be perpetually stuck in the dark ages?”

Ocarina of Time has neon lights, jukeboxes, and canned goods. The lakeside doctor’s chemistry is advanced enough that he is able to synthesize eyedrops. Given the newspaper articles strewn about shops, Hyrule also has pictoboxes in OoT.

By Wind Waker, pictoboxes have evolved to print in color. In Phantom Hourglass, Linebeck’s ship is steam-powered.

In Twilight Princess, pictoboxes now print higher quality images. In addition, with the introduction of Malo Mart’s Castle Town branch, TP is confirmed to have fully functional electrical lighting in some places. Cannons are so safe, you can get launched out of one for fun. Pyrotechnics have grown advanced enough that explosives can function underwater, and Death Mountain has become a functioning, refined mining facility stable enough for Hylians to safely walk in. Also, Auru has a bazooka.

SPIRIT TRACKS HAS TRAINS. THEIR AESTHETIC DIRECTLY REFLECTS THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.

Hyrule is hardly stuck in the dark ages. It’s high fantasy.

Next point.

“For starters, I want to establish that I don’t agree with the assumption that what the Hyrulean Royal Family does = Zelda/Hylia would do. I don’t think it’s a mistake that almost every text in the OP explicitly mentions that it was a King that committed those acts, not Zelda herself.”

Once again, that was an error on my part. It wasn’t my intention to imply Zelda had any part in such actions. However, Zelda learns how to rule from her father, or her mother, or whomever holds the throne in that particular moment. These acts are never questioned in canon beyond “Yeah, that happened,” and the most conflict we have is the issues between Zelda and her father in Breath of the Wild boiling down to how to confront the Calamity—science vs. sealing magic— rather than anything else.

It’s a personal issue, and Rhoam treats Zelda terribly, essentially alienating himself from his own daughter and treating her as little more than a pawn. I agree that it’s absolutely terrible. However, that’s merely a personal issue. She’s complicit in how Rhoam addresses the Sheikah, possibly even fully aware of the anti-aging rune Purah was developing to force retired soldiers into battle against the Calamity, and from what we’ve seen in Age of Calamity, she doesn’t have an understanding of the Yiga Clan other than the snide remark Urbosa gives:

Image credit goes to YouTube user BeardBear.

It’s up to Zelda to develop a deeper understanding of her country’s history; not to take personal responsibility, but to understand where those who are suffering are coming from.

That said, acting with the Hylians’ best interests at heart is exactly something Hylia would do.

In the prologue to Skyward Sword, the Demon King and his army attack the Hylians, slaying many and throwing the world into despair. Thus, the Goddess Hylia saves the Hylians by sending a chunk of land up into the heavens, sparing them from the war to follow while she gathers every other race to fight alongside her.

So… How come Hylia only saved the Hylians?

I understand many were wiped out by demons, but if Hylia was fully prepared to spare people from violence, why not also send small numbers of every other race? Why only save the Hylians, her chosen people, while essentially dragging everyone else into battle with her? Furthermore, when Hylia’s immortal body suffered grave injuries, she opted to take advantage of this by choosing to be reborn as a person. Not only is it explicitly stated that Hylia reincarnated in order to utilize the Triforce’s power, as she could not do so as divinity, but she knowingly chose to be reborn as someone who would become close with her chosen hero, in order to influence him to follow her plan without hesitation.

Hylia used Link.

That much is certain, and it’s laid out clearly by Zelda shortly before she takes Hyrule’s longest beauty nap.

It must be noted that while Zelda states she is Hylia reborn, and has regained Hylia’s memories by this point, she still sees herself as a separate entity from Hylia. While she herself is immensely guilty and apologizing over and over for what she’d done in her previous life, we have no way of knowing if Hylia herself would react the same way.

In fact, according to a fan-translation by ZeldaUniverse user Yamikawa, Demise goes as far as to describe Hylia as “brave and so-prideful,” hinting that even a being who loved her chosen people so much to save them still saw them as beneath her, if being reborn as human is seen as such a drastic extreme contradictory to her supposed character. Now, this is merely reflection on the inner workings of the Demon King, so his word can’t be taken as gospel. But, like all things, I find it interesting.

From what I can gather, however, Hylia certainly cared more about the Hylians than any other being in the land of Hylia, not dissimilarly to the royal family.

-       “I also don’t think that every princess Zelda is a Princess of Destiny or Representative of Hylia, I think that she reincarnates just about as often as Link and Ganon(dorf) do, because the logistics don’t really work out otherwise. This leaves hundreds, if not thousands of years where Zelda/Hylia isn’t on the throne.”

This is merely speculation. Moving on.

-       “There’s a notable trend of the King of Hyrule getting in the way of Zelda’s attempts to save the kingdom. First[,] he doesn’t take Zelda seriously [in] Ocarina of Time, forcing her to rely on Link […] I don’t know why the King of Hyrule was willing to listen to a random boy claiming to have been from the future over his own daughter but whatever I guess.”

The King of Hyrule believed Young Link because he came back to the Child Timeline with the Triforce of Courage. Up to that point, the whole Triforce was supposed to be safely locked away in the Sacred Realm, which was supposed to be completely inaccessible without the spiritual stones and the ocarina of time, neither of which Link had. I’d listen to the kid’s story too if he came back with a God Dorito on the back of his hand.

-       “And then again in Breath of the Wild when Rhoam bans Zelda from ancient tech research despite the fact that he has absolutely no reason to believe his pray the incompetence away method is the right one.”

The tapestry showcasing the events from 10,000 years ago depicts a princess possessing the blood of the goddess using her sealing magic in order to seal away Calamity Ganon. Link can swing the Master Sword at Ganon or whack him with ancient arrows or light arrows all he wants. Without the ability to seal away the darkness, as shown at the end of Ocarina of Time, all of this preparation and planning would have been for naught. That is why Rhoam is so harsh on Zelda. That’s why so much emphasis is placed on unlocking her power. Without it, defeating Ganon would be impossible.

On that note, Rhoam also had no idea what he was doing. Zelda’s mother was the one with the sealing magic, not him. She was supposed to be the one to train Zelda, but she passed away before she got the chance to even start. He puts so much emphasis on prayer rather than ancient technology because he genuinely doesn’t know what else to do.

I can’t believe this post forced me to defend Rhoam of all people I’m gonna have a stroke—

-       “Also, this is purely speculation, but [I’m] pretty sure there’s an implication that King Daphnes Nohansen caused the flooding of Hyrule in Wind Waker […] This sounds like a wish on the Triforce that backfired[,] but I digress.”

Daphnes couldn’t have made a wish on the Triforce before Wind Waker because, when the Hero of Time left the Adult Timeline, that timeline’s Triforce of Courage shattered into eight pieces and scattered throughout the land—er, ocean. Even if he had Wisdom on him, Ganondorf still possessed the Triforce of Power when he was sealed away, and he wasn’t going to let go of it when he broke free.

Besides, if Daphnes did wish on the whole Triforce, it would have disappeared. There would have been no Wind Waker.

-       “When she saves Hyrule in spite of interference…”

I’m not even going to finish the quote because the entire paragraph is too much for me to unpack. I’m assuming they’re saying that Zelda is never the one truly in power, and the royal family takes advantage of one Zelda’s good deeds to get brownie points.

However, concerning the first line…

In Ocarina of Time, Zelda going behind her dad’s back to try to “save Hyrule” leads Ganondorf straight to the Sacred Realm. Even though a time paradox leads to everything turning out okay in the end, the bleak future was created because Zelda wanted to play hero and pulled Link along with her. Even if Ganondorf managed to wrench the spiritual stones away from the Zora and Gorons, he wouldn’t have been able to access the Sacred Realm if Zelda didn’t send Link there to pull out the Master Sword, which Ganondorf would have never been able to touch. By all means, Ocarina of Timehappened because a little girl was in over her head and tried to take matters into her own hands when her dad didn’t believe her.

Aside from Breath of the Wild, there’s no other “interference” from the royal family that Zelda has to face.

-       “Zelda is the representation of a deity, so it makes sense that people would worship her to some extent, and having a goddess on the throne [probably] blesses the land. So[,] while the kings of Hyrule have a tendency to screw things over, [it makes sense] for Hyrule to be a monarchy because Zelda’s power as the goddess incarnate is needed to defend against Ganon and other threats, [r]ight?”

I acknowledge the author is attempting to portray the royal family’s possible justification for their rule. However, until I reached the succeeding passage, I believed it was the author making this justification, given how the entire paragraph preceding this was pure speculation. Once again, this passage is speculative, as nobody in Hyrule has ever explicitly given any notable opinion concerning the royal family. Why try to justify your rule when nobody’s criticizing it?

Since the author brings up Zelda being a representation of Hylia, however, it does bring to mind a particular problem I have with the royal family suddenly being goddess-blood.

It completely recontextualizes the relationship between the royal family and the Sheikah.

According to Creating a Champion, the Sheikah have a deep devotion to the Goddess Hylia. Since the royal family is descended from the goddess reborn, the Sheikah thusly are deeply devoted to the goddess Hylia.

Source: Creating a Champion, p. 372

Now, the royal government using a minority group of people to do your dirty work is already scummy enough when you’re just a normal royal. In this case, however, the Sheikah are so devoted to their goddess that they will do anything for you. Whether it’s because certain monarchs are a “representation of a deity” remains to be seen, but the point is that they’ll do anything for you.

And the royal family takes complete advantage of a group of people unconditionally loyal to them, bidding them to do unspeakable things in the name of their religion, which for all intents and purposes is the royal family.

That’s absolutely deplorable, and it’s a wonder nobody’s brought attention to it yet, whether in-canon or in-fandom. What’s more, given how Impa is always Zelda’s attendant, this relationship is never questioned or criticized, whether it be by the Sheikah or Zelda herself.

And that’s terrifying.

-       “The reason Ganon is always an antagonist is because he’s the vessel for the curse of Demise.”

Demise was introduced in Skyward Sword. Demise is the root of all evil, the creator of monsters and conjuror of demons. He is pure evil in every sense from the word, the Zelda series’ version of Satan. Naturally, he’s as simple as you can get in terms of character. Barebones characterization, providing only just enough to tell the player exactly what they need to know:

He’s evil, he’s powerful, and he wants the Triforce. You have to stop him.

Ganondorf existed before Demise. Ganon had over twenty years of development before Demise brought his progress to a permanent flatline.

Who was Ganon before Demise?

Allow me to remind you.

In The Legend of Zelda, first released on February 21st, 1986, Ganon is simply described as “the Prince of Darkness,” and steals the Triforce of Power when he invades Hyrule. After the Triforce of Wisdom is shattered, he kidnaps Zelda.

He’s evil, he’s powerful, and he wants the Triforce. You have to stop him.

Although Ganon doesn’t physically appear in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, released in 1987, his presence is still felt as his minions pursue Link in order to revive the Prince of Darkness. In fact, the game over screen is the successful revival of Ganon.

Now, given that these are the first two games in the series, it’s perfectly alright for Ganon to be as barebones as he was. After all, many villains at the time were the same way, with the most notable of Ganon’s counterparts being Bowser from the Super Mario Bros. franchise.

However, with innovation of technology comes innovation of narrative, and it’s with the release of A Link to the Past in 1993 on the SNES that we begin to see Ganon develop as a character. In the prologue to ALttP, Ganon is revealed to have once been human; he is given the name Mandrag Ganon—or Ganondorf Dragmire, as we now know him—and he was once the leader of a band of thieves who sieged the Sacred Realm and took control of the Triforce after murdering his own followers.

Source: A Link to the Past SNES game manual

Ganon is still irrevocably evil, but in this case, we begin to learn more about him. We begin to see a character starting to form. One who isn’t just mindlessly evil, but who has the charm and wit to infiltrate Hyrule Castle and earn the King of Hyrule’s trust in the guise of Agahnim. Ganon was also a very capable leader, having successfully led his band of thieves straight to the Triforce. Even after wishing upon the Triforce and corrupting the Sacred Realm, Ganon’s power attracted followers in the form of greedy, power-seeking people. He’s powerful not by brute force alone, but through his cunning use of intellect.

Ocarina of Time served to further develop Ganon in little ways. For example, this is the first game wherein, for the majority of the game, Ganon is seen and referred to by his human form: Ganondorf. Ganondorf is shown to be powerful enough and stealthy enough to infiltrate the homes of the Zora, the Gorons, and the Kokiri, and send dangerous hazards their way in an effort to seize the Spiritual Stones. At the same time, he is first seen at an audience with the King of Hyrule, as if there for diplomatic reasons.

Although Zelda sees Ganondorf as evil because of her prophetic dream, the King of Hyrule doesn’t believe her. Because of this, we can infer that Ganondorf has enough charm and charisma to, if not win over the King of Hyrule, not be seen as suspicious despite the horrible acts he’d committed, not just in the past, but at that very moment. He’s also shown to be highly cultured, shown at the end of Link’s ascent up Ganon’s Tower. Not only is Ganondorf playing his own theme, but he’s doing so on the pipe organ, which is notoriously one of, if not the most difficult musical instrument to master.

Once Ganondorf seizes the Triforce of Power, the kingdom of Hyrule is subjected to seven long years of his rule. During this time, normal people such as Ingo succumb to their greed and follow Ganondorf’s influence in pursuit of power and riches. Although Malon is naïve enough to believe Ingo was somehow under Ganondorf’s control, it’s clear to players that he was completely in control of his actions, and that Ganondorf’s rule brings out the worst in seemingly average people.

Image credit goes to YouTube user ZorZelda.

Even a Hylian knight can fall under this influence, with it highly inferred that the knight who once guarded a room of pots for Link to smash is now a twisted poe collector, the man even stating that he likes it better this way.

In Wind Waker, we finally see a more introspective side to Ganondorf. While he’s just as ruthless and fully ready to murder a child in the name of accomplishing his goal, he reveals the reason that started him on his path of darkness:

His people were suffering, and he wanted for his people what Hyrule had. He believed that taking Hyrule and taking the Triforce meant that his people could finally live freely, away from the harsh desert.

Now, I’ve seen this challenged time and time again. Was Ganondorf lying to distract or manipulate Link? Was he telling the truth? Is this what Ganondorf has convinced himself to believe, after so much time sealed away and in isolation? We will never know, and that’s part of what makes the game so interesting. Ganondorf’s portrayal is a large part of why so many people love Wind Waker, and it’s not hard to see why.

Perhaps the darkest the Zelda series has ever gone in terms of the Triforce’s power was in Twilight Princess. After freeing Lanayru, the Light Spirit warns Link of the dark power he seeks, the Fused Shadow. In order to do this, she explains the history of the Triforce, and the bloodshed brought by its allure to the darkness in the hearts of men. Before the construction of the Temple of Time, many battles were fought, and one of them was the “Interloper War” that inevitably resulted in the creation of, not only the Light Spirits, but the Twili and the Twilight Realm.

It’s important to note that Lanayru’s cautionary tale highlights that Link, the hero of the story, could succumb to the allure of the Triforce and dark magic just as easily as any other person. In this particular case, anyone could have fallen down the same path as Ganondorf. If anything, this tale is one of the most important bits of lore to take into consideration when discussing the series.

Anyone could have been in Ganondorf’s shoes. It could have happened to anyone.

Then, in one fell swoop, Skyward Sword ruined it.

In a single game, every bit of progress on Ganondorf is lost. Once again, we’re dragged down to the baseline characterization from the original game.

He’s evil, he’s powerful, and he wants the Triforce. You have to stop him.

Suddenly, everything the previous games had built up no longer matters. There’s no longer a need to question whether what Ganondorf did was solely out of greed, but also out of what he felt was necessity. There’s no need to wonder if Ganondorf was once a rational man, who succumbed to the irresistible pull of the Triforce like so many before him.

Ganondorf is, purely and simply, the reincarnation of Satan, so there’s no need to go any deeper than that.

And that’s why I hate this “vessel of Demise” thing. It completely undermines everything Ganondorf once was and reduces him to a single, cardboard cutout of a villain.

Moving on, before I get sad.

-       “This curse is specifically tied to Hylia’s bloodline and the Link’s soul, which is pretty specific…”

Demise’s curse is essentially dooming the earth with a never-ending rebirth of his hatred; his malice, if you would. The wording of his curse is specifically “people like you,” which could mean that it isn’t Link and Zelda’s exact souls that are tied to his hatred. Rather, people possessing the blood of the goddess and a heroic, courageous soul are doomed to deal with this curse.

However, my thoughts on this matter are pure speculation.

Also, Demise specifically targets his curse at people like Link and Zelda because they were the ones to kill him in the first place. That much is obvious.

-       “… [So] why do the clashes with Ganon always throw the fate of Hyrule into disarray? Because Zelda’s bloodline runs the country.”

Ganon would attack Hyrule even without Zelda’s family in charge. His pursuit of power and domination of the Triforce/Hyrule is therefore closely tied with the fate of Hyrule. Goddess blood on the throne has nothing to do with it.

-       “If Zelda came from a small town the curse would probably manifest in peril for that one region which isn’t great but it’s better than an apocalypse.”

Firstly, this is a run-on sentence. Secondly, I reiterate: Ganon would attack Hyrule as a whole, regardless if Zelda’s bloodline was on the throne. It wouldn’t matter if Zelda’s whole family suddenly moved to the countryside. When Ganon inevitably comes back, he’s still gonna go straight for the Triforce or to conquer all of Hyrule. Goddess blood isn’t even part of the equation for Ganon. And if goddess blood isn’t there to stop him, then that’s even better.

Alright, so I’m not even going to bother gratifying the last two paragraphs of the response with an answer, because it’s all rambling that has nothing to do with the original argument. Relinquishing the throne would do nothing to right any wrongs dealt to the many people who were hurt, and evil doesn’t care about a single princess with goddess blood or a boy with a pointy stick.

In conclusion, the addition of Hylia made it so that the royal family’s power dynamic with the Sheikah is even more critically imbalanced than it originally was, making the exile of the Sheikah 10,000 years ago even more heinous than it originally was. Yet, because Hylia is portrayed as wholly good and incapable of doing wrong, despite in-game evidence to the contrary, the royal family, and Zelda by extension, will never be criticized for any wrongdoing. In fact, doing so may well be heresy, if the responses to my original post are anything to go by.

By comparison, the addition of Demise diminishes Ganondorf’s character, rendering him down from the makings of a complex, human character—where anyone could have easily been in his place and had the same greed and ambition for power—into simply the reincarnation of the literal devil, where of course he’s evil, and you don’t have to do any digging beneath the surface. Ganondorf is the reincarnation of Demise, or his hate, or his vessel, so he’s pure evil and nothing more.

And that’s the greatest disservice Nintendo has ever dealt to The Legend of Zelda.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Ok, so confession to make (since I know you don't judge)

I would like to preface this with the fact that I hate cops IRL and have since I was a small child (thats not a virtue signal, I just hate authority in general)

But I have a weird obsession with cop movies/show and cop characters in media generally. (I guess I just want to believe in the fiction that the world isn't as corrupt as it really is and that the people in power do want to protect everyone else)

Like, it's super conflicting too because I want to make art related to my fixation, but I also know that it would REALLY give the wrong idea about where I stand. Like many things it's a sort of "In Fiction = Ok, IRL = Bad" thing for me, but like I said, it's conflicting

Anyway, I'm not asking for advice, just wanted to get that off my chest

Oh damn Anon.

Yeah of course no judgment here what-so-ever! We don’t do that here and I mean I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. And I know you just wanna vent and don’t need advice but I still wanna comment on this if you don’t mind.

You are obviously aware of the differences between fiction and reality. And if you don’t wanna do the art for any reason then sure but I mean look at me and what I do, I write porn about fictional slashers, I obviously abor murder and the criminal activities of these characters yet I give a vehicle by way of my writing for people to romantizie and get off to them and do so myself. (Regularly may I add, ayyyy-)

Whenever you put any kind of art or writing out there people are gonna interpret it however they want, always, regardless of how problematic or not the source material is, it’s the nature of the beast with being a creative person putting content out there on the internet. Once it is out online it is outta your hands. If you are worried and stressed enough about it then sure don’t do it but just know I think you aren’t doing anything wrong though I do understand the complex feelings that you have.

It isn’t the same (like AT ALL, anyway here goes-) but I LOVE dude bro comedies, I do a yearly re-watch of all the American Pie movies, I love shit like Blue Mountain State and EuroTrip, Harold and Kumar, and all those kinds of movies. And in those movies or some of those shows there are AWFUL jokes and terrible characters, all sorts of things that make light of serious shit.

I mean in the first American Pie movie the forign exchange student, Nadia, is broadcast over the internet while mostly nude and masturbating without her knowledge or consent while she is a high school senior. That is fucked, fully, I recognize that. I totally do not support a lot of these characters actions and yet I still watch and love those movies even with all of the terrible shit in them, but I certainly don’t think that makes me a bad person for liking those kinds of movies.

What we watch and consume and choose to make art about, I feel like it doesn’t make any kind of commentary about us as people. We just should be aware of what we watch and acknowledge its flaws, faults and problems and that is enough. No media is free from criticism or problems, so all we can do is our best and parse through it. More power to you Anon, love what you love and you have my full support.

Also Brooklyn 99 slaps and The Thin Blue Line is one of my fave british comedy tv shows so I totally get where you are coming from on there, some great media is centered around cops and the police force.

[saviorinsilk]

New Life

Pairing: Cordelia Goode X Female OC

Warning: None

The sun was at the highest point of the day, misty clouds covering it, causing the air to not be as stifling as the day before. That made me happy as I had felt sick from the heat of the summer here in New Orleans, Louisiana. I wasn't used to weather like this and even though I had arrived at Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies over two weeks ago, I didn't think I would ever get used to the deathly humidity that made my usually wavy hair a curly, frizzy mess. I had always worn my hair down before, but now I had to get used to a big messy bun sitting on the top of my head. Since that was, unfortunately, the only way it looked presentable. Honestly, though, my new hairstyle was the least of my problems.

Back in Canada, I had managed to live my 20 years of life being an extreme introvert. I had one friend that I kept from high school but I had already moved on from her in the mere 16 days I had been a country away. I had been used to being alone a lot, but that was an unfamiliar concept here at Miss Robichaux's. The only time you were alone was when you showered, but even then there was probably a girl blow drying her hair or fixing her makeup behind the curtain. I had learned pretty quickly to savour the fleeting moments when I was locked up in the bathroom, doing the one thing everyone agreed was not a group event. I Cherished those times. I tried very hard to be invisible but in a house full of witches that wasn't exactly easy. I had managed to avoid most conversations, except one with a girl named Nan, which thankfully had been very pleasant. I sat at the back of my classes and had somehow managed to talk myself out of having to do the introduction that I and a few other new girls had been asked to perform. The real miracle was that I had lucked out with my roommates. I got placed with a girl who only tiptoed into the room late at night once everyone was already in bed and a drama queen who had better things to do then talk to "my weird ass" as she put it. I took a long drag from the small joint between my fingers, the sweet taste of lemony haze filling my lungs. I felt my body relax as I pushed the smoke from my slightly parted lips. It seemed that with every exhale the stress in my mind and the pain in my muscles floated up to the sky as the air was filled with the pungent aroma. Back home I had had a medical marijuana license for my anxiety and it had been hell trying to survive without it in the south. I sat on the lawn in the backyard, studying the huge live oak trees that acted as a tall fence around the perimeter of the property. The freshly cut grass tickled my pale legs through the thin material of a bohemian style dress that Misty, a witch who lived in the house had given me. I had left the beautiful light blue shawl that she had given me as well, on my bed. The clouds provided enough protection from the scorching sun today. "It's beautiful out here." A soft voice spoke. I was dragged out of my thoughts by the feeling of my skin leaving my bones as I let out a loud yelp and my butt literally left the ground. My head snapped around and landed on the source of the noise. Cordelia Goode was standing only a few paces behind me, her head tilted up, eyes closed, feeling the warmth of the sun on her face. My heart skipped a beat and I had to fight my jaw from dropping open.

Miss Goode was the most beautiful women I had ever laid my eyes on. Her blond hair shone brightly as the sun broke through a cloud as if her beauty opened up the heavens. She wore a mint green, long-sleeved blouse made out of the breathable fluid material that I adored. Her petite but splendid curves were enhanced by the black loose-fitting pencil skirt that hugged them. I was completely and fully taken aback by her beauty, even though I had seen her many times.

I had hurried out of rooms every chance I got and when I couldn't avoid her, like during her class or morning meeting, I made sure to kept my eyes focused on something else. I accepted the fact that I was gay, but I sure as hell wasn't eager for anyone one else to know, given what happened last time someone did. Yet at this moment I couldn't tear my eyes away. Just looking at her was enough to give me butterflies. Cordelia smiled brightly and her now open, deep chocolate brown eyes settled on my wide pale blue eyes. "A strong sixth sense might not be an ability of yours," Cordelia said with a light chuckle. I'm not sure if it was her voice that brought me back to earth or if it was the loud bang of a hammer that came from a few houses down, but whatever it was suddenly made me aware of the fact that I indeed had a joint between my black slender nails. I quickly snuffed out the sourcing end of it into the grass in front of me and tucked it in my waist, bringing my knees up against my chest. "I'm so sorry Miss Goode! I'll never do it again, I promise. Please don't tell Myrtle." I stammered, my gaze locked on my bare feet that were sticking out from the bottom of my dress. My head spun as I thought of the consciences that were surely in store for me. One of our instructors, an older woman named Myrtle had given us a very serious talk after finding one of the girls drunk on the front porch after a long Friday night. We may have been away from our parents, but us young girls needed to remember that there was never a witch that achieved greatness by goofing around with drugs, over drinking or silly antics. I could still hear the intense tone she spoke in filling my head. Cordelia's eyes scanned me and her face rose into a sweet smile. "There's no need to be sorry Ellie. At least it's natural, unlike the insane amount of hard liquor some people in this city consume. Sometimes we all need a little help relaxing." Cordelia's voice was caring, her smile turning sympathetic. I was shocked and it took me a second to process all of it. All I could manage to do was to nod awkwardly before beginning to push myself off the plush ground. Cordelia's hand came up to stop me. "Sit." She commanded. I immediately obeyed, grabbing the joint in my hand as it slid away when my butt collided with the ground. "I'm on a short break and some fresh air would do me some good as well." She lowered herself next to me, her legs crossed out in front of her. I realized that she too was barefoot and for some reason it made me smile secretly to myself. Cordelia signed as she leans back on her outstretched arms, her head lazily turning towards me. She looked like an angel with the sun shining on her light pale skin. "We missed you at the morning meeting today. I was worried." Cordelia said. She was worried? About me? Those nasty metaphoric butterflies were back and they were frantic. When I just stared at her silently, Cordelia pursed her plump lips and narrowed her eyes slightly, as if she was concentrating on me. I shook my head and averted my eyes down to my fingers, that were busy rolling the joint against my skin. "I'm so sorry. I went for a walk this morning and I got...distracted. I know how important you said it is to be there on time. I messed up. I'll pick up some extra work around the house to make up for it." I offered, my guilty conscience getting the better of me. I tried to be tough but it didn't always go the way I wanted it to when I was confronted. "As much as I appreciate your civility, I'm not angry with you. I was just concerned because you have been very punctual since you got here." She said, worry in her eyes. I was embarrassed. I had made her worry. I may have been antisocial but I never wanted my actions to upset someone else. I had always been very empathetic and I felt ashamed of my actions. "Where did you walk? Around the Garden District?" Cordelia asked. Oh ya, I had walked around the neighbour for sure, I had studied every inch of it. "Ya, and a bit farther. I may have ended up at Staker's" I said sheepishly. Staker's was the small corner store a fair distance away. I could have guessed the reaction that Cordelia would have to this information but I wasn't excepting her discouraging tone to be quite as present as it was. "Elizabeth! That is at least a 20-minute drive away! What time were you up?" She demanded, her sunny disposer absent. God, she used my full name. No one had used that name since I got here. The last person to call me Elizabeth was my mother. "3:00 am," I said quietly as I peeked up at Cordelia's unhappy face. "Ellie you shouldn't be out on the streets at that time of night! It can get dangerous out there in the dark, especially for a witch and a beautiful young lady like yourself." Cordelia explained. I felt my cheeks getting warm and I could only imagine how red they must have been. Had Cordelia just called me beautiful? "I-I know. I just couldn't sleep because it was so hot and I had a real hankering for an iced tea and a crappy corner story donut." I stuttered, praying that my blushing wasn't too noticeable. Cordelia raised her eyebrows and her expression lighten a bit. "You could have asked one of your roommates where the fans were and I'm sure Zoe or one of the other girls with a license would have taken you to fulfil your cravings at lunch if you had asked," Cordelia said. She was so sweet but she didn't know the secrets some of the were hiding. I opened my mouth to argue that I didn't think the other girls liked me that much and that I had felt like I was suffocating in the house last night and had to make an escape before I saw my grave, but I couldn't. There was something about Cordelia that had an effect on me. I would go along with whatever came out of that woman's sweet lips. I'm sure that's how most cult members had felt towards their leaders and it had never done them any good but I was a hopeless romantic. "You're right. No more late night strolls. Promise." I settled with the polite response. After all, she was my Head Mistress AND my Supreme. Cordelia smiled, satisfied. "Good. Us witches need to be careful. Although there have been lots of people that have accepted us since we have gone public, there are still those out there that would like nothing more than to put a knife to your throat and play the violin." She warned, her words painting an image in my head that I would have been fine with never witnessing. It was true though and I had seen first hand how some people just couldn't deal with diversity. It had been a gloomy day when I had been in the Denver Airport, waiting patiently in line at Annie's Pretzels to get a treat for my connecting flight to New Orleans, when some nosy bitch glanced over my shoulder. I had been reading over a letter from Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, excited over the invitation to come to see the school for myself. Suddenly the lady exploded in rage, shouting crude language as well as slipping in the words freak, Satanist along with just screaming WITCH over and over. She must have seen the news. I had stood my ground, not about to lose my place near the front of the line. I wanted my soft warm pretzel and no lunatic was going to take that away from me. Luckily she had been in line with a level-headed person, that dragged her away before I had been angered to the point of showing her just how much of a "freak" I was. People had never been kind to those who were different and the deep south was a perfect example of that. I may have felt like I could take care of myself but Cordelia was right. I hadn't left my whole life behind in another country to be murdered within my first month of freedom. "I've been meaning to talk to you for the last couple days but things just keep getting in the way. Life always gets a bit crazy when we have new arrivals. I would like you to come to my office so we can catch up on how you have been settling in. Also, I'd like to do a quick evaluation of your abilities, due to the distressed state you were in when you arrived. It probably wasn't a fair judgment of your capabilities." Cordelia softly placed her hand over mine, stopping my fidgeting fingers. Her skin was warm and surprising soft like silk. The contact was heavenly and I could have stayed in this moment forever if the universe had allowed it. But the anxiety crept back with the thought of the distressed state I had indeed been in when arriving at the academy. I hadn't thought about it today until now. It had been nice to live in ignorance for the short time. "Do you think you would be able to swing by after dinner tonight? Don't worry about the dishes, one of the other girls will take your shift." Cordelia said, answering my question before I even had a chance to ask it. It was almost as if she could see my thoughts in writing. God, that would be a disaster if it were true. All the innocent I projected would be gone with the brutality of my unholy thoughts. I liked the idea of skipping the chores that we had been giving since last week when the number of girls was too much for the staff and the few maids to clean up after. "Manual Labour builds character" Kyle, the butler had told the whiny girls in the kitchen. "Of course Miss. Goode." I replied, forcing a smile, across my nervous expression. It's not like I minded the thought of being alone with the women of my dreams but at the same time, the idea caused my anxiety-ridden demons to claw there way out of their dark hiding place. "Call me Cordelia, just between the two of us," Cordelia said, patting my hand that she still held tenderly. I couldn't help but smile goofily. "I better get back inside, any moment we are likely to hear Myrtle's voice." Cordelia laughed, squeezing my hand before she pushed her slender body up, gently wiping the loose grass that had stuck to her skirt. Cordelia smiled down at me. "I'll see you at dinner." She said before turning her back. No force could pull my gaze away from her as she gracefully made her way to the back door. I blinked when she disappeared into the house, the door swinging shut with a thud behind her. I couldn't help but smile to myself as the last few minutes replayed in my head. I glanced down at the grass in front of me, my eyes settling on the tarnished patch from where I had put my joint out. I extended my hand, lightly covering it. My eyes fluttered closed and I felt a familiar tingling in my fingers as the sunlight caressed my face. A surreal image of a luscious field of natural grasses lay behind my eyelids. The wind blew the praise plants that I had seen every day for the last 20 years of my life, as I began to feel the grass beneath my skin tickling between my digits. I wiggled my fingers slightly as I continued to study the blades of grass in my mind. After a few moments, I opened my eyes lazily and was pleased to see the once grey and burnt grass had grown taller than the lawn around it, and the colour repaired to the deep shade of green. I giggled and let my body weight pull me back, releasing a deep sigh as my body collided with the ground under me. The sun shone beautifully through the live oaks above. Maybe things would turn around. After all, this was a safe haven and if happiness lived somewhere, it would surely be in a place like this.

[eclecticanalyst]

Studying “A Study in Emerald”: Fifth Post

Additional Thoughts: On Moran, Watson, and Not-Quite-Mirror-Images

Professor Moriarty was written by ACD with the express purpose of doing away with Sherlock Holmes. It wouldn’t do for the Great Detective to meet his end facing off against an ordinary criminal in a run-of-the-mill case, so in “The Final Problem” he’s pitted against a worthy opponent, a criminal mastermind, a threat to society so severe that Holmes believed if he “could beat that man...I should feel that my own career had reached its summit.” And what better man to take down Holmes than a dark reflection of himself, a genius who has directed his considerable intellect toward nefarious rather than honorable purposes? Throughout “The Final Problem,” ACD emphasizes how the two men operate on a wavelength all their own, as Holmes and Moriarty repeatedly anticipate each other’s actions, the tension between them never letting up, neither quite managing to fully escape the other, and each ultimately bringing about the other’s demise (until ACD was forced to bring Holmes back to life a few years later).

With such a conflict for the ages, it’s no surprise that despite the fact that Moriarty only appears in one story (two if you count The Valley of Fear, but he has a minor part and as I said in a previous post, that story has some weird circumstances), he is consistently made a major villain—the major villain—in Sherlock Holmes adaptations.

Something that is less focused on, even by ACD himself, is how Sebastian Moran is just as much Watson’s dark counterpart is Moriarty is Holmes’s. Watson and Moran are both ex-military (and specifically served in Afghanistan), mustached, fond of gambling, and most importantly, the closest associate of the genius on their respective sides of the law. Holmes even goes so far as to refer to Moran as Moriarty’s “bosom friend,” which, of course, Watson is to Holmes as well. Despite all of these similarities, ACD apparently didn’t feel the need to have the two soldiers face off in the same way Holmes and Moriarty did. Moran pays absolutely no attention to Watson in the story in which he appears (“The Adventure of the Empty House”), being completely fixated on Holmes. Watson, for his part, doesn’t demonstrate any awareness of the parallel between himself and Moran, even after learning that he and the colonel share commonalities in their military records.

Perhaps because the source material doesn’t make much of it, or because people simply don’t find it as compelling (for reasons that are beyond me...), a Moran-Watson rivalry is rarely explored in adaptations of Sherlock Holmes, while the Holmes-Moriarty rivalry is always at the forefront.

That’s why I was so pleased to see the similarities between Moran and Watson used to such powerful effect in “A Study in Emerald.” The story hinges on the double parallel of Holmes and Moriarty and Watson and Moran, and how, through a certain lens, each could be mistaken for the other. Gaiman only has to transfer one characteristic of canon Watson over to “Emerald” Moran in order for it to work. The fact that the characteristic in question is the shoulder wound is yet again proof of how well Gaiman knows the canon. In A Study in Scarlet, Watson specifically mentions being wounded in his shoulder, but in the very next published story (The Sign of the Four) he talks about being wounded in his leg. This has led to some debate among readers over where Watson was actually injured (or if he was injured twice), and Gaiman uses this well-known (among Sherlock Holmes fans) glitch in continuity for his own purposes. He splits the wounds between the two soldiers, giving Moran the shoulder injury and Watson the leg one. As “A Study in Emerald” is meant to riff on A Study in Scarlet, Moran having a shoulder injury at the beginning of the story works to Gaiman’s advantage in convincing us that the narrator is Watson, as that is the injury that corresponds with the pertinent story. Having the “Emerald” versions of Watson and Moran share canon Watson’s injuries further adds to the story’s point of how inextricably linked these two characters (and their respective comrades) are. Moran himself is a mouthpiece for this sentiment, demonstrating the perceptiveness that canon Watson lacks and musing, “I wonder if we ever met” when he learns that the Limping Doctor also served in Afghanistan. (It’s much like Moriarty’s “I want you with me” speech in that way—giving voice to sentiments that we kind of wish had actually been expressed in canon.)

Of course, despite the similarities, Watson and Moran are distinct, just as Holmes and Moriarty are. They are each other’s counterparts, but they are not identical. Moriarty is not just “Holmes, but if he were a criminal mastermind.” Each man has his own skills and interests that tell us what kind of a person he is. For instance, in canon, Moriarty is a mathematician while Holmes is a chemist. Both involve formulas, but mathematics is pure numbers, while chemistry involves physical substances. Moriarty is an academic, content to lecture and write treatises, while Holmes is a (gifted) amateur who gets his hands dirty and puts his skill to practical uses like proving a person’s innocence. One of these men is more in touch with humanity—it’s no coincidence that this is the man who is the hero. (No offense to academics or mathematicians.) Watson and Moran, meanwhile, are both soldiers, but Watson is also a doctor—committed to saving the men he served alongside (and civilians when he goes into general practice), not just killing the enemy. Although “Emerald” tricks us into mistaking one set of men for the other, the story does not lose sight of these inherent characterizations. “Emerald” is not as simple as “Sherlock Holmes in a Lovecraftian world” or even “Sherlock Holmes where Holmes is the bad guy,” because he and Watson are still the heroes of the story. That stays constant. If Moriarty and Moran are on the right side of the law, and Holmes and Watson are not, and they are all basically the same people despite the reversal in fortunes, that in turn says something about the world in which that is the case.

And those respective worlds influence the way our narrators go about writing their stories as well. While “Emerald” Moran hides his account of his first case with the detective away until the death of all involved, canon Watson expressly writes A Study in Scarlet for the purpose of letting as many people as possible know about Sherlock Holmes’s abilities and role in solving the case. Moran not only redacts his name, but also places it at the end of the narrative, while Watson’s full name is present at the very beginning of his tale. Watson is committed to the truth and ensuring that it is shared with others, while Moran fears the new insights that he has become privy to and rebukes himself for even keeping a record at all.

[diariesofthehermit]

Consciousness and Physical Reality: Why we Need to Analyze the Nature of the Mind Once Again

Introduction

Part of the failure of an earlier post I wrote was that I was not very clear as to where I was coming from. I do not follow or profess any religion, though I am fascinated by all different belief systems. However, I do think that we , in modern society, have allowed our thinking about the universe and existence to stagnate. Partially, this is because we have fooled ourselves into believing that there are only two possible sources of information: knowledge acquired through the scientific method and knowledge based on faith. Between these two, I always choose knowledge based on the scientific method. However, there is a third source of knowledge: direct perception or appehension. And I believe it is through direct perception that we may find the key to unlocking some of the mysteries of existence. Specifically, direct perception and observation of our subjective experiences.

And before I continue, let me make a disclaimer from the outset: despite where this argument may appear to be going, I am not a dualist- nor am I a materialist. My thinking is inspired by a new wave of philosophy, but more on that later.

On Consciousness

I would like to start by asking a question: what is consciousness? Most of us believe, and rightly so, that our consciousness originates with the brain. We would say that consciousness is identical to the electro-chemical signals and patterns within our neural networks. I would not disagree. However, I do not believe it is fair to say consciousness is reducible to these neural networks.

Let us use a metaphor. I am on my computer right now. When I type on the keyboard, words appear on my monitor. It would be incorrect to say that my hits on the keyboard were separate from the images on the computer; clearly one produces the other. However, the images on the screen are not reducible to the presses of the buttons on my keyboard. There is an aspect of them, the image themselves, that would not be adequately described if I only bothered to speak about the process of touching the keyboard itself. This is roughly the relationship between electrochemical signals and conscious experiences.

The signals in the brain are certainly connected to my subjective experiences, but the images that I see, sounds that I hear and sensations that I feel would not be adequately described through speaking on these signals alone. What the brain contains is data or information. This data is transformed, through our conscious minds, into the images, sounds, tastes, smells and sensations of our subjective experiences- but though these are informed by the data, they are not reducible to the data.

This all sounds like dualism, I am aware, but I am not a dualist. I am simply trying to explain why a materialist understanding of the mind is inadequate. It is not that the mind has no material basis, it is that the word "material" only has meaning in conjunction with its antonym "immaterial". To say that the mind is material is to say that it has no immaterial characteristics, but upon a closer, honest inspection you will find that this is not true and that actually neither term is adequate; both must be discarded in favor of precision.

What is the missing piece? What is there in consciousness besides thoughts, sounds, smells, tastes, images and sensations? The answer is awareness. We often equate consciousness to thought, but consciousness and thought are not identical. Think of the sentence fragment: "I am aware of". This is how consciousness works. "I am aware of the ball." "I am aware of the tree." "I am aware of my anger." "I am aware of my thoughts." In everyday language and thinking, we usually understand that there is a distinction between awareness and the object of that awareness. It is awareness, not thought, that is the basis and foundation of consciousness. Awareness is the canvas on which all our subjective experiences are painted, it is the light which illuminates and powers all other mental functions. It is the "substance" or "clay" of subjective experience. Without awareness, there is no mind and no being.

Awareness is not knowledge, it is the faculty of being able to know, or to experience. Most people, for example, believe that a computer is capable of computing complex functions and mathematical equations. They do not necessarily believe that the computer is aware of itself doing so. If they did, we would probably not throw them away so casually. Computers hold data and information but, according to conventional wisdom, lack actual awareness. How would we program awareness into a computer? No one really knows. We don't truly know where awareness comes from, or what it is composed of.

We can program a computer to think, give it highly advanced AI, but we would only ever be able to guess if it was truly aware. There is no way to test for it, no know way to study pure awareness scientifically. We can measure brain activity, but brain activity correlates to the thoughts we are aware of and not to awareness itself. We cannot even be sure that individuals in deep sleep lack awareness, because awareness is not equivalent to or necessitates memory formation. Furthermore, we have a problem within our scientific understanding of the mind. "Awareness" is nonphysical. It cannot be measured. It has no weight, volume, shape or velocity. It has no measurable attributes altogether. Yet, somehow, it is produced by an apparently physical brain that does have those properties.

The problem

How can an entirely physical brain produce something nonphysical and completely immaterial? Matter and energy are known to interact, recombine and transform but not to create or destroy each other or especially anything completely unlike themselves. There is no ready scientific answer, and the easy solution is thus to pretend that the nonphysical or immaterial aspect of consciousness (awareness) simply does not exist.

A potential solution

There is another possible solution, however. Perhaps the immaterial (awareness/subjective experiences) and the material (matter/the brain/neurons) are simply two sides of the same coin. Perhaps the true nature of matter is consciousness, or awareness. We know, certainly, that part of the intrinsic nature of the matter within our brain involves consciousness. Which, then, is the simpler solution: that physical matter somehow produces, through an imperceptible and unknown process, an immaterial awareness that is entirely divorced from itself (dualism), or that matter and subjective awareness are in fact the same entity viewed at from different angles?

Maybe this sounds like materialism, but it is not. If the premise that matter = consciousness is true, then consciousness does not "arise" from the brain. Consciousness is the brain...and also the stars, sun and moon. If the matter in our brain has an intrinsic nature which involves consciousness, and the matter in our brain is not "special" or "different" from matter elsewhere, than why should consciousness (which we have already said is not equivalent to thought) be limited to the matter in our brain? To presume otherwise is to be a closet dualist pretending to be a materialist. To think otherwise would depend on the assumption that consciousness is something produced by the matter in our brain, and therefore not identical to it.

Consciousness is not divorced from physical reality, consciousness is physical reality. Again, to say otherwise is a form of dualism. Materialism supposes that subjective experiences do not exist, and that there is only electrochemical signals in the brain. Your conscious awareness proves that otherwise. Dualism supposes that awareness comes from something outside the brain, and is separate from it. Science proves that otherwise. The equating of matter and awareness is the best solution that we have. After all, what else would matter be anyway? We know what matter does, but not what it is. All the known properties of matter are descriptions of its behavior (it attracts this amount of other matter, takes up this much space, takes this shape, moves at this velocity etc.) and not of its substance. To say that awareness itself is that substance is to solve the hard problem and the mystery as to the essence of our material universe.

This is not solipsism. I am not saying that "your mind is all that exists." Other minds exist, or at least it is healthy to assume so. There is more to the universe than you, or at least this is what we must believe to be functioning members of society, but what those other entities are composed of could simply be conscious awareness. Atoms, protons, neutrons and electrons could all represent incredibly simple and fundamental forms of awareness, or subjective experience. Awareness, therefore, would be the building block and foundation for the entire universe. This view is known as panpsychism.

Conclusion

I came across this view while reading a book called "Galileo's Error" by Philip Goff, and it expanded my thinking. I hadn't consciously realized that my thinking about the mind fluctuated between materialism and dualism, and how deep down I felt neither were truly adequate. Panpsychism allowed me to fully accept the reality of my nonphysical awareness without negating the truths of science or the external universe, and to think more deeply about such things as existence, my relationship to the universe and philosophy. I would encourage you to consider this position as well.

[godsofmonster]

Bangtan MC ≽ V.

Reader x Bangtan- Motorcycle Club

Word Count- 6.3k

Warnings- sexual content, death, murder, guns, drugs, violence, betrayal,  mentions of suicide, mentions of rape, etc.

For as long as I can remember back, I always wanted to be in a motorcycle club. Since I was six years old, the only thing on my mind was getting my hands on a Harley and a cut. I was a wolf, a wild cur, cut from the pack with bloodstained on my fur. Every wrong has marked a debt because a beaten dog never forgets.

The bar was already roaring with the sound of intoxicated people. Rock and roll was slowly skipping off in the distance of their chattering. Their conversations weren't even worth eavesdropping on. 

The only entertainment was the glass of bourbon in front of me. It kept me company and didn't bother me with worrisome thoughts or conversations. It was so peaceful to become lost in dark liquor. 

When it comes to vice, it isn't as easy as everyone assumes to become addicted. It was never one day of this or two days of that. Addiction is developed long before you ever even fancy your poison. This goes far beyond a physical dependency. I referred to a psychological itch that's been gnawing at your brain. Only after years of that brewing, can one seek to find the earthly material that provides it relief. 

All addiction; drugs, alcohol, money, power, sex. It all comes from the same source- hate.

It simply manifests itself in varying ways. I hate you, I hate them, I hate this, I hate that. Hate the world. Hate yourself. 

It's difficult not to hate; people, things, and institutions. They break your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed. Hate is sometimes the only thing that makes sense. But it is also the only thing that could destroy you. 

I should know, I fed my hate through a needle for two years. 

New voices poured out of the open doors, voices I already knew and had even begun to long for despite the drink's comfort. The seven boys came walking toward the end of the bar, where behind a counter, remained a basket that held onto their cell phones. 

There were no phones allowed at church. 

Each one of them reached their hands, digging for which mobile belonged to them. They seemed to be content with the conversation they had. I didn't notice anyone wearing any kind of resentment on their face. On the contrary, Seokjin called for the bartender, everyone was getting a drink on him. 

Even now, I still had that little itch in the back of my head. 

Every time Namjoon's eyes found their way to me, I felt it begin to claw. Unlike the rest of his group, he was not interested in spending time once he got a hold of his phone. His gaze was set on me, and I swallowed the remainder of my drink in preparation for the following. It was like the first cold breeze before a storm.

Some of the member's heads turned as he left the gathering, Jimin specifically noticed Namjoon's sudden interest in me. 

I attempted to appear occupied by my empty drink. My fingers wrap and unwrap around the smooth, cool surface. My body remained facing forward and quiet. There was stillness before his scent slowly enveloped my surroundings. His form came to me from the corner of my vision. The words he wished to speak were held in the air between us. It was the only way that he knew how.

"Yoongi and Hoseok told me what happened," His voice spoke naturally. There was no problem in his tone that I could yet foresee. "They told me what you did,"

I relaxed just a little, finding that the conversation was safe enough to look at him. My upper body responded by stirring to find the expression he held. Then, in his look, I saw the storm that would follow. 

"Just what the hell were you thinking?"

I lost interest just as quickly by the hidden anger in his voice. Arguing seemed to be the only language we spoke to each other. It was never difficult for either of us to find a reason. Nevertheless, there was far too much going through my head to bother with Namjoon’s disapproval. 

I would rather turn my blood into alcohol. 

I spotted the young man behind the bar. He stood at the opposite side, pouring the last drinks for the group of boys. With my hand clutched around the glass, I rose it in his direction and demanded his care. He spotted my calling hand and gestured his head at me. He grabbed a hold of a half-empty bottle from the counter and stepped in our path.

Then, in his fit of silent rage, Namjoon yanked the glass from my hand.

The noise of the crystal pounding into the wood, by the force of his grip, caught the attention of those nearby. The bartender stopped in his tracks and halted all action. The group of boys now became fully aware of the discussion taking place a few feet beside them. My eyes locked with Jimin while Namjoon's black stare remained. 

I held back all urges to give in to his temper.

"You know,” I said calmly, taking hold of the conversation. “I didn't expect you to thank me or anything," 

I hoped to end it soon. 

I moved to plant my feet on the floor beneath me. Namjoon watched every movement I made as I came to stand in front of him. "But I thought you might, at least have had the courtesy to say nothing at all."

I stared into the deepness of his eyes. The lack of spite in my words made it harder for him to quarrel against. 

"You could have been hurt," 

There was not a single amount of concern in his tone. He had nothing but empty words and not a damn reason to talk down to me.

This conversation was over.

I left him to rage by himself. I moved without direction but knew no company was better than bad company. My feet marched around him with no other intention of interaction. 

However, Namjoon had other plans. 

He grabbed my passing arm, his grip forcing me in place. The contact made my face go heated instantly. It was as if he had transferred his wrath to me through that one touch. The boys, now in my line of sight, were startled at Namjoon’s action. A few looked ready to intervene at any moment, those who knew well of what I was capable of.

"The only one who's going to get hurt- is you if you don't let me go," 

I truly deserved a medal for the amount of restraint that I displayed. 

I took notice of his clenching jaw, his shuttering eyes as emotions and thoughts ran through his head. Surely, this conversation felt familiar and brought back the promise I had made him a few days ago. His fingers softened their hold and his arm dropped to his side completely. 

The front doors opened and in came his savior with perfect timing.

"Here's all your things, (Y/n)." I heard his footsteps from behind. He spoke somewhat freely. Until he got close enough to feel the stress radiating off our bodies. 

Namjoon took a pace away from me, turning his attention to the prospect and leaving our conversation unfinished.  

"Take her things to the backroom, Yoenjun," Namjoon said. 

Yoenjun didn't speak a word. I only caught sight of him as he walked passed me, with my backpack over his shoulder and my bags in his hand. I felt embarrassed under the constant glances of the other members and decided to follow my belongings with the prospect. I failed to meet anyone else’s gaze as I passed by the group.

Namjoon's seemed to follow, his imminent shadow cast over me as we walked down to the hallway, passing the garage door. Before getting to the bathroom, there was a set of offices on either side of the wall. 

Yoenjun turned to the door on the left, which was my father's office. Where records and account information was stored.

"The other room," Namjoon requested. 

The prospect changed his reach and turned to the door on the right. From my memory, I recalled the door leading to a storage room. Where we kept boxes of alcohol and glasses stacked against the wall.  

However, when Yoenjun allowed me to step in first, the room was transformed into a bedroom with wooden walls and dim lighting. A twin mattress laid against the wall on the left, a dresser just in front of it, and a wardrobe beside the entrance. There was also a door leading into the bathroom at the back. 

I investigated the room, seeing posters and personal belongings on the dresser and nightstands. Yoenjun left my things at the foot of the bed and stepped out of the room. I could still feel Namjoon loitered at the doorway. I grabbed a bottle of half-empty cologne off the dresser. Opening it to reveal the familiar scent of Namjoon's clothing. 

"I thought you could stay here," He mumbled from his place. I saw that he was avoiding eye contact with me. 

"Why do you have a bedroom at the bar?" I asked as I walked toward my things on the bed. I inspected the contents of my blue bags for the items I had purchased, thinking that blondie might have helped herself to any of it. 

"I was staying here for a bit," I found his answer strange and wondered why he would need a place to stay. "Now, I just crash here from time to time." 

I left everything where it was, passing around the end of the bed and finding a spot to rest on. It was relatively comfortable, a lot softer and worn out then the mattress at the motel. Namjoon’s frame was taking up a large amount of my line of sight, even as I stared at the gray carpet between us. 

"I don't know how long you're planning on staying,” He prompted. “But I could use help around the bar." 

Was he offering me a job? "You can stay here, and work on the Fatboy when you have time."

The idea of working for Namjoon made me want to regurgitate. I honestly just saw the offer as a means of control. He would have me here, where he could keep his eyes on me at all times. 

Despite that though, I figured I had to keep up some kind of appearance while I worked on this investigation. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of being around at the bar 24/7, working here would be highly beneficial to keep up with club activity.

"I guess... that would be fine for now," I answered quietly. My suspicions wouldn’t be handled lightly, but that didn’t mean he had to be aware of them.

My hands ran over the shallow sheets of the bed, they were rough with age but warm regardless. My mouth ran dry with nothing to say, the memory of the bourbon remained on my tongue. Its numbing euphoria still seeped through my veins. 

We returned to the all familiar calm that followed us everywhere we went. The question we needed to ask and the answer we feared to hear. A time where everything was said in the loud noise of nothingness.

"I'm sorry," He said bluntly. 

That apology didn’t settle well in the atmosphere, nor in my head. It was hard for me to tell if he was being sincere in the way he blurted it out. Not even his face gave me any insight into what he was thinking. "For grabbing you earlier."

He explained further, his eyes hovering over me like a surveillance camera. His stature was far from before, his hips pointed toward me while his torso looked the other way. He was unsure.  

"Yeah, well..." I muttered, almost returning his apology, as well. Then, I realized I had no reason too. "Don't let it happen again." 

The smile that appeared on his face was somewhat relieving. His gaze turned to the floor immediately after its appearance. It was as if he wanted to hide it from me- like he was embarrassed by it. 

"I'm glad to see parts of you haven't changed," He admitted under his breath.

His demeanor was like that of a teenager, a complete shift in the one he displayed just outside of this room. He was like a wildcat trying to be a house pet, all I could do was remain silent and not turn my back on him.

Namjoon's mouth continued to open as if he had more things to get off his chest.

"I know you still aren't very fond of me," 

Then the one who held a smile on their face was me. However, it was obvious mine was out of irony instead of amusement. 

"What gave it away?" I teased dryly. 

Namjoon bit his lip as if to stop himself from speaking impulsively. Breaking our classical rhythm of bickering, and taking his time to let the words form properly.

"I just think-" He chuckled with a sigh and a bit of hesitation. "That our lives would be easier if we could co-exist." 

I knew that my job depended on that very concept. However, manifesting it was much harder than it should be. The idea, while in front of him, seemed almost impossible. "I don't have anything against you, (Y/n)..."

There was just something about him I loved to hate.

"Why would you?" I sneered at him. "You always got what you wanted,"

It didn’t take anything special to hear the bitterness in my voice. Despite Namjoon’s calm behavior, I couldn’t forget how he treated me in front of everyone. How he always had to undermine me. It took everything in me to control the nasty words that I wanted to throw at his face. 

My response wasn’t exactly what Namjoon was hoping for, that was apparent in his now sour expression. His white flag wasn’t as pure as he wanted it to be, my words of mockery were all he needed to pull it back down.

"Things weren't easy for me either." He replied more seriously. My eyes almost rolled to the back of my head as he was about to spill his sob story. "It took your father months to even look at me. I thought he would kill me one night for sure."

Did he expect me to feel sorry for him? 

"Yes Namjoon, it must have been hard," I taunted. "The silent treatment and a cold glare,"

I had to look away from him. I was afraid that I would do something stupid if I didn't. The only thing that kept me grounded was the hold on my fists. As I thought about how he tried to compare our situations. It made me tremble with resentment and rage. "You still had everything I didn't. You only had a drop of what I had been putting up with ever since I was fourteen." 

I could feel that deep, old teenage hate spilling out of my lips. I guess I was the one who would, once again, spill their sob story. "Even then, I thought, it's fine- I'll take the leftovers..."

"Like a dog," The words made me sick to my stomach because they were true, 

"Like a goddamn dog! That's how much I loved him!" I felt the hate fuel my adrenaline as I rose to my feet.

Namjoon stared at me in silence, seeing how much pain and anger I still carried. He didn’t make any kind of move or attempted to continue to fight back. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much he could get me worked up. I steady my breath and lowered my voice to the best of my abilities. 

"That's how much your world meant to me." Attempting to regain my composure, "But... that didn't matter. None of it matters anymore,"

I began to question if I could do this job. I was horrified that there were still too many emotions I was not aware of. Namjoon always made me doubt everything I thought I knew, even in his silence. 

"I should have said something," He was barely audible. 

I found his eyes looking through me as if he was lost in his mind. "What happened was between both of us, and I should have said something."

Namjoon said more loudly, more sure of himself. His eyes came to and I found in them, no hate, no defensiveness, but actual sincerity. 

"I'm sorry being with me took you to that place." 

I didn't know how to accept his apology. I wasn't sure that if I did, I would honestly mean it. Even as I found the strength to retreat my steps, returning to my place at the edge of the bed, I remained unsure of it all.  

"As I said," I muttered, staring at the folds of my palms. My voice fell shy at his attempt of responsibility. "It doesn't even matter...." 

My hands were gently trembling, the aftermath of anger and uncertainty. Fingers locking together, rubbing and nails scratching. All the oxygen in this room was not enough to ease my racing heartbeat. It pounded against my chest, anticipating the next blowout. I felt as if the shameful color on my face would remain permanent. The energy that remained in this place was a ticking time bomb. 

Namjoon abandoned his location at the doorway and stepped deeper into the room. The patter of his shoes against the carpet was a steady pace, yet seemingly hesitant. I could see his feet come into my low frame of sight. He halted only a foot away from where I was sitting.

"It matters to me."

His words were heavy in my ears. They carried shivering undertones that kept me iced in place. With him standing so close to me, it was like the rest of the room was closing in. The walls, the world were all centering around us in its heavy gravity. His gaze was weight-full, like a magnet pressing for me to connect.

"I shouldn't have let you go..."

I felt his figure looming over me, and when I ever so slowly looked up, his eyes were inches from mine. My breath gently and tightly caught in my throat, the memory of the last time we were this close came fluttering back. 

"What the hell are you saying..." My voice came out so weak, barely a shaky murmur.  

Neither one of us said a thing, yet I swear I could hear his voice in my head. Memories raging like a motion picture, sounds of his taunts and moans played on a loop. He could see them as well, they were displayed in the reflection of his raven eyes.

"I'm saying, I won't touch you again…” His black orbs were like deep abysses that threaten to pull me in. “Unless you ask me to."

I felt in my chest a deep confusion that impaired me to think anything through. With the world collapsing around us I wasn’t sure if it was him or I, who was leaning in. 

"(Y/n)?" 

The concerned voice coming from the door was like a clash back to reality. All the air had returned to my body and the world warped back into place. Even Namjoon seemed startled out of his trance and straightened out completely. 

With him out of my sight, I saw Jimin standing by the entrance of the room. His eyes were suspect and shifting between Namjoon and me. 

"Y-yeah? "I cursed myself for stuttering. 

The blush on my cheeks only grew shades darker as a result. I attempted to better my appearance, acting as if I wasn’t just coming out of a hallucinogenic drug. My hands pushing through my hair and my back leaning away from Namjoon's association. 

"Jimin, didn't I send you to take care of something?" Namjoon's voice was rough.

Jimin noticed the unfriendly pitch immediately but remained unbothered by the fact. He barely gave Namjoon a look as he continued pacing into the room. There was a thin line between Namjoon's position as president and their friendship outside of the club. Jimin didn't fear that line.

"I came to check on you," He replied to me. His presence cut straight into the atmosphere like a blade. 

"She's fine," Namjoon took a menacing step toward him as if he wouldn’t allow him to get close to me.

However, I was sure Namjoon was simply demanding Jimin’s attention and respect. His attention is exactly what he obtained. Jimin’s focus swiftly shifted to the tall standing man in front of him. The way their eyes locked together was intimidating. It was like they were speaking to each other without moving their mouths. Jimin had no idea of the bad mood he had just placed Namjoon in, even so, he didn’t care.

"She can tell me herself," That sounded like a threat.

I came to my feet immediately, fearing Namjoon’s reaction, and cutting between the two before something dangerous was said. My hand instinctively reached out to touch Jimin. My fingers gently rested on his bicep, bringing his focus away from Namjoon. 

"I'm okay," My voice was reassuring, and it brought him to ease. 

I could see his shoulders slowly relax with a sigh from his nose. His opposite hand touched mine and, in a matter of seconds, he pulled me into his arms. His body against mine was firm and warm, an arm snaking around my waist where his hand held my hip. I felt sincerely comforted by his embrace. His scent, his heartbeat was all incredibly inviting. 

He had managed to save me from a situation far from my control. One I would have fallen head first in if it wasn't for his intrusion. Now, with a clearer state of mind, I was very grateful. 

"I heard what happened,"

Jimin pulled away and paused his statement as Namjoon abruptly stormed out of the room. His way to the exit aggressively quiet, he didn't even bother to look back before he was completely gone. I felt the tension leave with him, and I could finally breathe smoothly. 

"Yeah, it was insane." I sighed, recalling back to the events of earlier today, that he was referring too. "Yoongi and Hoseok sure know how to show a girl a good time."

Jimin smirked gently at my sarcastic nature. He then looked over his shoulder to ensure that we had been left alone before speaking freely. 

"I overheard Namjoon giving you a hard time," He said, as I’m sure the rest of the boys had gotten an earful of the discussion at the bar. "He should have thanked you,"

Jimin spoke sternly as a part of me knew he was correct- I felt discouraged all the same. Discouraged and disoriented after everything that just ensued. Though, Jimin was here to offer me the bit of support that I could ask of a friend. Unfortunately, it would be up to me to provide the rest to continue. 

It hadn’t even been a full minute, and nothing added up in my head about what almost happened. Namjoon’s personality was confusing, his words, his actions, the range of mixed emotions he pulled out of me. It was like a lucid dream, one I thought I had control of. What kind of game was he playing? And was I able to keep up?

Jimin took note of my shaken appearance, the lack of words from my mouth that seemed to be raging in my head. He came to check on me due to the events at the bar, however, he began to piece the difference in this atmosphere. 

"Did... I interrupt something?" Jimin asked carefully. 

The possibility would have never come to his head if it wasn’t for the truth that I told him the night before. Remembering that made him change the way he looked at everyone, especially Namjoon. 

In the depths of my haze, all I could do was shake my head and ask myself the same question.

"I don't know..." I spoke honestly. 

Though, I did know that this confrontation would not be the last between Namjoon and me. I worried that they seemed to become more aggressive after each one. 

-

Jimin didn't keep me company for long. He responded to taking care of what Namjoon had mentioned before. He didn't give me any indications of what it could be, but he took Jungkook with him. 

I knew they must have agreed on retaliation on the PB for dealing and manufacturing drugs in Blackburn. They had a lot to prove and would counter an attack quickly. Whether or not Jimin's errand was related to that was indifferent. I solely had to stay close and be on alert of any group movement.

Namjoon had also disappeared from the building afterward. When I stepped out of the bedroom, I spotted Yoongi and Seokjin still gathered at the bar. I didn't feel like walking to the social gathering and being interviewed by the remaining members. I decided to find my peace in the tinkering of my father's dismembered motorcycle. 

The garage was cold, cold for California, at least. The temperature from the late-night was trapped in the brick of the afternoon. The room appeared to not have been tampered with since Jimin and I worked here the previous night. The static of the flickering LED light was audible as I walked toward the mounted Harley. 

My eyes scattered over the work we had already completed, taking note that we weren't near any progress. My hand touched the cold metal of what was left of the front. Loose wires were hanging from the steering handles and front light. My fingertips traced them down to the ignition module. They didn't appear to be too damaged, except for at the ends where they connect. 

The wiring to older bikes was much more complicated than on newer models. I might have to resort to the internet for some diagram for this specific Harley. I concluded the best thing I could do was strip some of the frontal wires. 

 If I removed most of the wire harness I could restore some of the wires left with the igniter. The wires ran white, blue, red, and black. I started off inspecting the regular rectifier and igniters. They are the two most important parts that charge and run the ignition coils. The pickup coil wires in the igniter were luckily still intact.

There comes a time, during a long period of tedious work, where a state of complete focus swallows you whole. In this head-space, time is completely irrelevant and all you know is what is in your hands. You are aware of the smallest detail and unaware of the large world around you. Everything troubling in my life just became nonexistent. 

That's why I was physically frightened by the sound of the garage doors opening abruptly. The sound of the turning, old wheels above me had my heart pounding out of my chest. 

As the doors rose over my height, it revealed an almost night sky and blinding lights. My eyes squinted, trying to look past two large LED headlights that were attached to the front of a small van. I couldn't make out the driver as he didn't bother to properly park his vehicle. The shape of the lights was stamped into my vision, even after they were shut off.

"I didn't expect you to still be here," 

The voice was followed by the sound of the van door shutting. Taehyung stepped out of the driver's side and appeared to ride alone. 

"Just trying to get some progress going," I replied, losing all the momentum. "What are you doing?"

I noticed Taehyung's clothing almost immediately. He wasn't wearing his cut, instead, he was dressed from head to toe in black. Black jeans and black long sleeves shaped his frame. 

"Jimin asked me to drop off some stuff," He responded, returning to his vehicle to show me exactly what he meant. He swung the door open wide, and through the large glass, I could see him reach in the space between the two front seats.  

The rustling and clunking of tools was the first thing I heard. Taehyung gripped an old toolbox in his hand and with the other, reaching for something else. I walked to his side of the door, offering my help as he continued to look for things. 

Taehyung rested his knee on the seat, while the other hung out the door. He turned back and handed me the toolbox. It was cold and rusted, remains of green coloring peeped parts of the metal. 

"What's in here?" I asked, feeling the box to be weighted rather heavily.

"Just some wrenches, impact, and torque." They would have come in handy the night before, Jimin must have noticed too. "There are also some spare fuses for the wiring and a heat gun." 

I stepped back when Taehyung leaped out of the van, his hand was occupied, gripping a rolling stool by the base. 

"Jimin was complaining about his back," I chuckled, the stool would help work long hours. I also took notice of some kind of papers tucked under his arm. 

"I'm not surprised," Taehyung teased. He placed the seat on the ground and gave it a kick to have it roll deeper into the room. I didn't see, but it lightly bumped into something off in the corner of my eye. 

My attention was caught by closer inspection of the van. Unlike the one Yoenjun brought the motorcycles in, this one was completely black, there was no branding or logo of any kind. 

"I also..." He reached under his arm. He handed me a magazine, it was an aged orange color with the illustration of a bald eagle on it. 

"It's for an FX/Softail but most of the wiring during that period is identical." It was an old Harley service manual from 1990. It was worn out but kept in good condition. 

"No- it's just what I needed." Hopefully, he could hear that I was grateful. "Is it yours?"

"Yeah," He paused, seeing Taehyung without a cigarette in his mouth or hands was rare. When he finally pulled out a pack from his pocket, the picture was complete. "My old man left stacks of them, dating back to the 70s."

One of the few things I did know about Taehyung, was that his mother raised him on her own. His father bailed on them sometime during grade school from what I could recall. His mother did remarry before I left, I never really knew how he felt about it. 

Taehyung unwrapped the plastic seal of the red carton. He opened the new package, revealing a perfect assortment of twenty cigarettes. Like a gentleman, he offered me one before digging one of himself. I accepted his offer, hoping to dig more on his suspicious plans for the evening. 

"What are you up to tonight?" I asked, setting the cigarette between my lips. 

Taehyung stepped forward, a lighter flicking in his hands. The warm light illuminated his face, shadows casting above the high-points of skin. I pushed my hair away from my face and leaned into his fire.

"I've got some business to take care of," He muttered, doing the same with his own cigarette. I couldn't tell if that was validation of a bigger job or not. So, I pushed further. 

"Alone?" I attempted to sound casual. His eyes scanned over me as I burned my lungs- he did the same. 

"Why? Are you worried about me or something?" He asked more jokingly than anything else. Smoke came out of his mouth when he spoke.

"Just trying to make conversation," I shrugged and took another drag. 

"I can think of better things to talk about," He reached behind him and shut the door to the van. Taking a step back and leaning against the large vehicle. 

"Such as?" I couldn't find another smooth entry to the topic. I was afraid if I pressed on, he would become suspicious. 

"You and Namjoon?" He suggested, and my stomach turned.  

"What? That thing at the bar?" I was fairly annoyed having to recall that incident, once again. 

"Does he always come down on you that way?" 

"It's part of his routine, at this point," I replied bitterly. 

"Well, on the rest of the club's behalf, we owe you." His voice was light and easy. There wasn't much depth to it, though I appreciated his effort. "I'm serious," 

Taehyung assured me after my silence. His voice became much more severe than before. "You, of all people, have no reason to help us out. After everything that happened- you did anyway."

He maintained a deep connection, feeding me the sincerity through his definite eyes. He didn't want me to take his words at full capacity. 

Something in Taehyung's voice made it sound as if he knew all of the troubling history between me, my father, and Namjoon. Though, I presumed he solely spoke about the apparent problems that had been presented in the last few days. It wasn't hard to see constant opposition, never-ending between me, Namjoon, and his mother. 

"I just didn't want anyone to get hurt," I replied quietly, a feeling of guilt fabricating in my chest. 

I knew that lying was part of my job, but that didn't make it any easier. Especially, when it meant lying to people like Jimin or Taehyung, who had honest, good intentions. Though it went against everything I believe in, I couldn't start doubting myself now.

"Is it true you're going to be staying here? At the bar?" I was glad he was the one to change the subject before I drove myself into a raging black hole of thoughts. 

"Yeah, I'll be helping around at the bar," I assumed Namjoon told him since he was the only one who knew. 

Taehyung's face was never very expressive, it was constantly tough to know exactly what he was thinking. However, I felt as if I could see the beginnings of a frown begin to appear at the corners of his mouth. 

"You think that's a good idea?" He said, sounding as if he already knew that it wasn't. 

I knew the risks, my doubts, and worries that Taehyung couldn't possibly know. Which made me question if there was something else I wasn't seeing. 

"You don’t?” For the first time, I saw Taehyung struggle to respond. He took a deep drag into his lungs, buying himself some time, while he thought of how to respond. 

Except, he wouldn't have to. 

His phone rang loudly in his front pocket, the light coming flashing, and the vibration was heavy. He glanced my way, trying to hide the fact that he was relieved.

"Yeah?" He allowed a cloud of smoke to snake past his mouth. I could make out a voice in the silence of the garage, but I couldn't distinguish any identity or set of words.  

"Yeah, I'm in the back," It had to be one of the members calling from inside the bar. "On my way,"

Taehyung left the cigarette burning in his mouth as he hung up the phone.  He remained watching on the ground under his feet, the stillness in the air, was apparent. 

"I've-"

"Got to go," I finished the sentence for him. Taehyung glanced at me with his dark eyes. His stare resembled that of what my father wore hundreds of times, right before he had to do something dangerous. I assured him. "I know."

 His hand combed long strands of hair from making contact with the fire hazard in his lips. He nodded his head lightly, almost as if he was sorry before turning back to the van. 

Everything about this moment, this conversation, the environment, even the hard smell of tobacco reminded me of my father. The words we had exchanged before and would never exchange again.

The engine trembled the machine, and his window rolled down to release the smoke from the cigarette. 

"Be careful," Is what I would always say to him before he rode off. I didn't notice I had spoken out loud.

"You too," 

Taehyung was looking at me from behind the glass. His words didn't fully register until he was already pulling out of the garage. 

Be careful of what?

I didn't have any time to dwell on the thought.

As soon as the garage door shut to the floor, I ran to grab my phone from the counter. I set the toolbox and magazine down safely and realized my hands were shaky as I dialed his number. What was wrong with me?

He answered in the middle of the second ring.

"Yes?" His voice was alert as if he had been waiting for my call all this time.

"Meet me on 18th and Charming street," I spoke in a low voice. My paranoia was relatively high in this situation. 

"I'm there in 15," He sounded sure of himself. There was scrambling on in the background as he began to move.

"Don't forget the papers," I hadn't forgotten about that ordeal. 

I cut the line after that and let out an exhalation that held a lot of concerns. 

My head fought through conflicting emotions, emotions that came from the depths of a damaged heart. I entertained the idea of being a false prophet, one that simply used the book for their own self-regard. 

I found the keys to my father's Dyna in a drawer. The abandoned motorcycle remained parked in the corner of the room.

People didn't understand us, the anarchist way of life. Many assumed it was in their favor until they learned the true price of freedom. 

True freedom requires sacrifice and pain.Most human beings only think they want freedom. In truth, they yearn for the bondage of social order, rigid laws, materialism. 

The only freedom we want is the freedom to be comfortable.

Whether or not I truly understood that would be determined by how this all plays out at the end. Trials were coming my way, and I've been studying my entire life. 

 I mounted the bike without his blessing, and hoped it would lead me to the promised land anyway.

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